OLD LADY LINCOLN

Window shopping

2010-01-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

New Husbands A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Some are funny

2010-01-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

Random Thoughts for the Day:
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page document that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

2010-01-03T06:00:00.002-05:00

The Preacher's Teeth

A minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled out. New dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. On the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way: “The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures...and I couldn't shut up.

Wanda , I hope Don enjoys this one.

Makes you think

2010-01-02T06:00:00.001-05:00

What Is A Kiss?

Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of Engineering:
Uh, What? Im not familiar with that term.

This wish is for everyone

2010-01-01T15:58:00.003-05:00

Your New Year Wishes Go here to look and listen.

Just how I feel!

2010-01-01T06:00:00.001-05:00

A New Year New Years Day 2010 Poem By: Cathy A Montville

A New Year!

New Year's Day will come full tilt
I'll eat prime rib without the guilt
Potatoes heaped with sour cream
No diet will be in this scheme

My strategy is "not" to win
Those chocolates will not be a sin
That wine has sugar, yes I know
I just don't care, so let it flow

No gym for me, please don't look glum
I kind of really like my bum
You think it's just a bit too wide?

Never mind...I'll decide

This New Year I will place no bets
No skinny jeans, I like my sweats
I will not take a silly oath
To stop the habits that I loath

Ah, this New Year will be sweet
Lots of baked goods and red meat
Pressures off, no lies to tell
I am on course...straight to Hell!

Happy New Year Everyone!
But remember, this is how you may end up looking. LOL

I don't have to worry, I all ready look like this. LOL

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T06:00:00.001-05:00

New Years EveIn the United States, New Year's Eve is a major social holiday. One of the top destination cities for New Year's Eve from 2003 to 2006 has been New York.[10] Las Vegas's America's Party‎ is also attracting a large number of New Year's Eve party goers with the famous Las Vegas Strip being closed to vehicles and fireworks launched from numerous rooftops.

In the past 100 years the "ball dropping" on top of One Times Square in New York City, broadcast to all of America (and rebroadcast in many other countries), is a major component of the New Year celebration [11]. The 11,875-pound (5,386 kg), 12-foot (3.7 m) diameter Waterford crystal ball located high above Times Square is lowered, starting at 11:59:00pm and reaching the bottom of its tower 60 seconds later, at the stroke of midnight (12:00:00am). This is repeated in many towns and cities across the United States[11]. From 1981 to 1988, New York City dropped an enlarged apple in recognition of its nickname. It is sometimes referred to as "the big apple" like the city itself; the custom derives from the time signal that used to be given at noon in harbors.

From 1972 through 2007 (except in 1999), Dick Clark hosted televised coverage of the event called Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve, shown on ABC, and now renamed Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve with Ryan Seacrest for the arrival of 2009. The show did not air for the arrival of 2000 as it was preempted by ABC 2000 Today. From 1956 to 1976 on CBS, Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians serenaded the United States from the ballroom of the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel on Park Avenue in New York City. The Royal Canadians continued on CBS until 1978, and Happy New Year, America replaced it in 1979, continuing until 1995. The song Auld Lang Syne has become a popular song to sing at midnight on New Year's Eve, with the Lombardo version being the standard. NBC also has hosted New Year's coverage; traditionally, the networks' late night hosts have hosted special editions of their regular shows (including a special Central Time Zone-specific countdown on Late Night with Conan O'Brien), but since 2005, the network has opted for a special entitled New Year's Eve with Carson Daly. Fox, CNN, and Fox News Channel also have their own New Year's specials.

Kids Say The Darnedest Things

2009-12-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

Elementary Science

These were actual things that kids have said about our various phenomena of the world...you gotta love them!

*Question: What is one horsepower? Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

*Talc is found on rocks and on babies.

*The law of gravity says it's not fair jumping up without coming back down.

*When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

*Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.

*While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

*Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.

*South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.

*Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

*A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

*There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.

*There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.

*Lime is a green-tasting rock.

*Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

*Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

Adult material

2009-12-29T06:00:00.000-05:00

Bitches 'til the End!
Man, I'll tell ya, women can be cold until the end!

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.' The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. 'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.'

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.' The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'

'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order.'

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY...
Women are like phones:
They like to be held, talked to, and touched often..
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected.

Time to Retire

2009-12-28T06:00:00.000-05:00

Not sure where you want to retire? This listing might help.

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park three blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open the oven door.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there, rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The four seasons are: fire, flood, mud, and drought.

You can live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature".
4. You think that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can live in Maine where...
1. You have only four spices: salt, pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over Parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can live in the deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "he needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

You could live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $4,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the Mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition, "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

AND you can live in Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind....even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

I think this is a beautiful poem

2009-12-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

My Cup Has Overflowed

I've never made a fortune, and it's probably too late now.
But I don't worry about that much, I'm happy anyhow
And as I go along life's way,
I'm reaping better than I sowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

Haven't got a lot of riches,
and sometimes the going's tough
But I've got loving ones all around me,
and that makes me rich enough.
I thank GOD for his Blessings,
and the Mercies HE's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

I remember times when things went wrong,
My faith wore somewhat thin.
But all at once the dark clouds broke,
and the sun peeped through again.

So LORD, help me not to gripe,
about the tough rows I have hoed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

If GOD gives me strength and courage,
When the way grows steep and rough.
I'll not ask for other blessings,
I'm already Blessed enough.

And may I never be too busy,
to help others bear their loads..
Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

When I think of how many people in this world have it worse
than I do, I realize just how BLESSED WE really are.

Don't be too busy today...
Share this inspiring message with friends and family.

Quick joke this morning

2009-12-26T06:00:00.001-05:00

An accordion
An accordion player is driving home late one night after playing a concert. He's tired and hungry so he stops at an all-night diner for a bite to eat.

Halfway through his meal he realizes that although he locked his car doors, his accordion is in the back seat, in plain sight!

He rushes out to his vehicle but he is too late. The windows are already smashed and someone has thrown in two more accordions.

Received this from a fairly new friend I've met on blogsot. You will find her HERE
She also has another blog, listed at this spot, plus her Mother, Sister and a Brother are also listed.

Kids and Gifts

2009-12-25T18:00:00.000-05:00

10 Signs Your Kids Don't Like Their Christmas Presents...

10. There's something half-hearted about the way they say, "Oh wow -- Q- Tips".

9. They spend Christmas morning making up games involving wrapping paper.

8. They hire a Gambino family hit man to break Santa's kneecaps.

7. You see them trying to shove everything back up the chimney.

6. Spelled out in Legos on the front lawn are the words "You're Cheap!!!".

5. Moments after they unwrap gifts, you see them for sale on E-Bay.

4. Your son simply refuses to understand why you couldn't get him two hours alone with Cindy Crawford.

3. They cite your gifts as a major factor in their decision to convert to Islam.

2. You wake up and find the head of Elmo in your bed.

1. They ask, "Where'd you buy this stuff -- Crap `R' Us?"
Be The Next Sherlock Holmes and

My niece sent this to me

2009-12-25T06:00:00.006-05:00

I wondered what I was going to post for Christmas, well this says it all, family!
ClickMERRY CHRISTMAS
Then she sent me another one, when I answered her and said the above video was a tear jerker, she said this one should last you till Christmas. It's very nice to. The little girl is so happy to see her Daddy. Click hereto see the second video.

And for some who don't like to click and watch the videos.
Here's a little story from Guidepost:Merry Christmas To All

Sixty kids and only forty gifts. It seemed like only Santa could help. By Peggy King, New Milford, Connecticut

Every December our Candlewood Lions Club throws a Christmas party at a local firehouse for the special needs children of Green Chimneys, a residential school. It’s a blast!

I dress like an elf and help Santa pass out presents to the kids. There’s also a magician, a lunch buffet, even a tour of the firehouse. But driving there last year, I was in a panic. We had exactly 40 presents to give—enough for the children we usually expected. Not enough for the 60 we’d just heard would be coming. Too bad the real Santa Claus wasn’t around.

It’s too late to buy more, I thought. The kids will be here soon! For some, those were the only gifts they’d receive all season. Lord, what are we supposed to do now?

Dejected, my husband and I parked the car and walked up the hill to the firehouse. Another man got out of his car at the same time and walked alongside us. When we got to the front door, he looked confused. “Isn’t the vote here today?” he asked us. I knew there was a special referendum up for a vote—but it wasn’t being held here.

“Not at this firehouse. We have a Christmas party today,” I answered. The man shook his head. “I don’t know why I thought it was here,” he said. He looked at us. “If you’re here for a party, why the long faces?”

I told him our problem, even if I was a bit too worried to chit-chat. How could we send a child home without a present?

“How many toys you need?” the man asked. “I may be able to help.” How?

With minutes to spare before the children arrived, the man burst through the door, his arms overflowing with bags of toys. Hurriedly, we piled them on tables and covered them with tablecloths awaiting the moment when our Santa would reveal the gifts. The children were ecstatic. One girl picked an Easy Bake Oven, something she’d wanted for years. “This is the best Christmas ever!” rang throughout the room.

We needed a Santa Claus. We were sent Major Tom Quigley—of the local Marine Toys for Tots program, who had already collected all the presents we needed to give the kids an unforgettable Christmas.

Here's a new one

2009-12-24T14:00:00.000-05:00

The 12 Pains of Christmas...
The 12 Pains of Christmas...

Chorus :
The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Is finding a Christmas tree.

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Husband (2): Rigging up the lights,
1: And finding a Christmas tree.

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Inebreated man (3): Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
1: And finding a Christmas tree.

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Frustrated man (4): Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
1: And finding a Christmas tree.

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Five months of bills,
4: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up the lights,
1: And finding a Christmas tree.

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Frustrated wife (6): Facing my in-laws,
5: Five months of bills,
4: Oh, I hate those Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Rigging up these lights,
1: And finding a Christmas tree.

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Angry man (7): The Salvation Army,
6: Facing my in-laws,
5: Five months of bills,
4: Sending Christmas cards,
3: Oh, Jeez!
2: I'm trying to rig up these lights!
1: And finding a Christmas tree.

The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Loud kid (8): I WANNA FURBY FOR CHRISTMAS!
7: Charities And what do you mean, "your in-laws"?
6: Facing my in-laws,
5: Five months of bills,
4: Oh, making out these cards,
3: Edith, get me a beer, huh?
2: What we have no extension cords?!?
1: And finding a Christmas tree.

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Another frustrated man (9): No parking spaces,
8: DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!
7: Donations!
6: Facing my in-laws,
5: Five months of bills,
4: Writing out those Christmas cards,
3: Hangovers,
2: Now why the hell are they blinking?!?
1: And finding a Christmas tree.

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
other (10): "Batteries not included",
9: No parking spaces,
8: BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!!
7: Get a job, ya bum!!!
6: (sobbing) Oh, facing my in-laws,
5: Five months of bills,
4: Yo, ho! Sending Christmas cards,
3: Oh, Jeez, look at this!
2: One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
1: And finding a Christmas tree.

The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
TV Critic (11): Stale TV specials,
10: "Batteries not included",
9: No parking spaces,
8: I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!!
7: Charities!!
6: (sobbing) She's a witch! I hate her!
5: Five months of bills,
4: Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!
3: Oh, who's got the toilet paper?
2: Get a flashlight!! I blew a fuse!!!
1: And finding a Christmas tree.

The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
A few guys: Singing Christmas Carols,
11: Stale TV specials,
10: "Batteries not included",
9: No parking?
8: WAAAAAAH!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
7: Charities!
6: Gotta make 'em dinner!
5: Five months of bills,
4: I'm not sending them this year, that's it!
3: Shut up, you!
2: FINE!! If you're so smart, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!!!
1: And finding a Christmas tree.

Happy Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T06:00:00.001-05:00

Mary Did You Know Click Baby Jesus

Sad but some truth to this!

2009-12-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

Christmas At Rock-Away Rest

'Twas the night before Christmas at Rock-Away Rest,
and all of us seniors were looking our best.
Our glasses, how sparkly, our wrinkles, how merry;
Our punchbowl held prune juice plus three drops of sherry.

A bedsock was taped to each walker, in hope
That Santa would bring us soft candy and soap.
We surely were lucky to be there with friends,
Secure in this residence and in our Depends.

Our grandkids had sent us some Christmasy crafts,
Like angels in snowsuits and penguins on rafts.
The dental assistant had borrowed our teeth,
And from them she'd crafted a holiday wreath.

The bed pans, so shiny, all stood in a row,
Reflecting our candle's magnificent glow.
Our supper so festive -- the joy wouldn't stop --
Was creamy warm oatmeal with sprinkles on top.

Our salad was Jell-O, so jiggly and great,
Then puree of fruitcake was spooned on each plate.
The social director then had us play games,
Like "Where Are You Living?" and "What Are Your Names?"

Old Grandfather Looper was feeling his oats,
Proclaiming that reindeer were nothing but goats.
Our resident wand'rer was tied to her chair,
In hopes that at bedtime she still would be there.

Security lights on the new fallen snow
Made outdoors seem noon to the old folks below.
Then out on the porch there arose quite a clatter
(But we are so deaf that it just didn't matter).

A strange little fellow flew in through the door,
Then tripped on the sill and fell flat on the floor.
'Twas just our director, all togged out in red.
He jiggled and chuckled and patted each head.

We knew from the way that he strutted and jived
Our social- security checks had arrived.
We sang -- how we sang -- in our monotone croak,
Till the clock? tinkled out its soft eight-p.m. stroke.

And soon we were snuggling deep in our beds.
While nurses distributed nocturnal meds.
And so ends our Christmas at Rock-Away Rest.
'fore long you'll be with us, We wish you the best!

Author Unknown

I can post these now

2009-12-22T11:04:00.002-05:00

Santa's StockingsI made enough for Audrey, each of her classmates and her teacher. This is going to be a big surprise, today is their Christmas party and I informed her teacher, she invited me to come to the party, but I told her I would just drop off these treats for Audrey to pass around to each student. Even her Mother, Melissa, doesn't know I did this. I worked on them when they weren't around. The stockings are crocheted, the book mark I found on line, free, ran five to a sheet off my printer, then laminated them, cut them, punched a hole and tied on some yarn. I stuck in two pencils, a book mark, a little Christmas eraser, 2 small candy canes and 2 little Tootsie midgees.

Well I'm off, have to make a quick stop at post office, if too busy, will stop on my way back from school. Everyone have a good day.

Catchy little tune

2009-12-22T06:00:00.001-05:00

Make sure you click each reindeer!
CLICK HERE

Are you ready

2009-12-21T06:00:00.001-05:00

Christmas With A Capital "C"
CLICK HERE AND ENJOY

For your enjoyment

2009-12-20T13:34:00.002-05:00

Christmas Songs
It's Beginning To Look Like ChristmasChristmas Waltz It's a Most Wonderful Time of the Year Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Cristmas Tree Silver Bells Let It Snow Christmas with Elvis Christmas from the 50's

Merry Christmas

2009-12-20T06:00:00.002-05:00

Christ’s Bell
THE BELL
I KNOW WHO I AM
I am God's child (John 1:12)
I am Christ's friend (John 15:15 )
I am united with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price (1 Cor 6:19-20)
I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)
I am a personal witness of Christ. (Acts 1:8)
I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt 5:13-14)
I am a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:27)
I am free forever from condemnation ( Rom. 8: 1-2)
I am a citizen of Heaven. I am s ignificant (Phil 3 :20)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31 -34)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor 5:17-21)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)
I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom 8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor 1:21-22 )
I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8:28 )
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16 )
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph.. 3: 12 )
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13 )
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)
I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3).. I have been justified (Romans 5:1)
I am God's co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected. (Phil. 1: 5)
I have been redeemed and forgiven ( Col 1:14). I have been adopted as God's child (Eph 1:5)
I belong to God
Do you know
Who you are?

Keep this bell ringing...pass it on
'The LORD bless you and keep you;
The LORD make His face shine upon you
And be gracious to you;
The LORD turn His face toward you
And give you peace...
Numbers 6 :24-26

God Bless Each and Everyone of YOU.

Received from a blogging friend

2009-12-19T06:00:00.004-05:00

You be the judgeMore than 25 million boxes of crackers are sold in the UK each Christmas, each box containing a joke.

The following are some of the favorite grin/groans according to a poll of 4000 Brits.

You be the judge!

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
He wanted to win the no-bell prize

What goes oh, oh, oh?
Santa walking backwards

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

What did Adam yell on the day before Christmas?
'It's Christmas, Eve!'

What do you call a penguin in the Sahara Desert ?
Lost

What do you call a man with brown paper trousers?
Russell (Not sure what this one means, must mean something in GB.)

How did the human cannonball lose his job?
He got fired

Why don't ducks tell jokes when they're flying?
Because they would quack up

What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney?
Santa Claus-trophbia

What happened to the turkey at Christmas?
It got gobbled

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis

What's the fastest thing in the water?
A motor pike

Why did the skeleton go alone to the New Year's Eve party?
He had no body to go with

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments
Go here to see BETH'S BLOG

Very nice video, relax and enjoy, it's Friday

2009-12-18T06:00:00.003-05:00

Enjoy the Ride
CLICK HERE

Slow down

2009-12-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

The Yuppie and the Police Officer
The police officer had just pulled over a yuppie on a new Harley for running a stop sign. "May I see your driver's license and registration please..." the officer asked.

"What's the problem, officer?" the yuppie replied.

"You just ran a stop sign." the officer said.

"Oh come on, pal, there wasn't a single car anywhere in sight."

"Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and only then proceed with caution."

"You've got to be kidding me!" the yuppie said.

"It's no joke sir." the officer said flatly, pulling out his citation book and preparing to write a ticket.

"Look I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one, and proceeded with caution."

The officer sighed and slowly shook his head. "That's beside the point sir, you are supposed to come to a complete stop and you didn't. Now if I may see your license and..." the officer began.

"You sure do have a lot of time on your hands pal. What's the matter, all the doughnut shops closed this early?" the yuppie asked sneering.

"SIR!" The officer sighed. "I'll over look that last comment now let me see your license and registration immediately!"

"I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop." the yuppie said, folding his arms across his chest.

A smile appeared on the officer's face. "Sir, I can do better than that." The police officer quickly jerked the rude yuppie off his Harley, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick.

"Now sir, would you like for me to slow down or come to a complete stop?"