Saturday, June 03, 2017
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. I may be a little moody so be prepared.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $4.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. I've run away to join a different circus.
Received from Laughter for a Saturday.
Friday, June 02, 2017
Ready for a few puns???
What do fish need to stay healthy?
Why don't fish like basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Why do fish always know how much they weigh?
Because they have their own scales.
What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.
What does the pope eat during lent?
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance.
Received from Brayden Price.
Monday, May 22, 2017
THE STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM
I wanted to give him 100%! but I was told that it wouldn't be politically correct. Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too.
Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die?
*His last battle
Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
*At the bottom of the page
Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state?
Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce?
Q5.. What is the main reason for failure?
Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast?
*Lunch & dinner
Q7.. What looks like half an apple?
*The other half
Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become?
Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
*No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
*You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
*Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
*No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
Spread some laughter, share the cheer.
Let's be happy, while we're here!