Monday, May 16, 2016
Quotes: Wisdom, Short Story, Comedy
"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it." --Sam Levenson
"To make a long story short, there's nothing like having a boss walk in." --Doris Lilly
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. --Garrison Keiller
Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for the airport leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said, "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.”
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, “I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years.”
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
For several years, a married man had been having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided to him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go back to Italy to secretly have the child. Also, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a postcard, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back when the child was born. He would then arrange for the Child Support Payments to begin.
One day, about 8 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey,' she said, 'You received a very strange postcard today.''Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce...*