Sunday, May 28, 2017

Good Morning

Monday, May 22, 2017

The Exam

THE STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM

I wanted to give him 100%! but I was told that it wouldn't be politically correct. Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too.

Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die?
*His last battle
Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
*At the bottom of the page
Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state?
*Liquid
Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce?
*Marriage
Q5.. What is the main reason for failure?
*Exams
Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast?
*Lunch & dinner
Q7.. What looks like half an apple?
*The other half
Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become?
*Wet
Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
*No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
*You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
*Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
*No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.


Spread some laughter, share the cheer.
Let's be happy, while we're here!

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Have a great one

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Another Kitchen Disaster (Pressure Cooker)

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Ten Things A Mom Doesn't Want To Hear

1. I swallowed a goldfish.

2. Your lipstick works better than crayons.

3. Does grape juice leave a stain???

4. The principal called...

5. But DAD says that word all the time.

6. What's it cost to fix a window???

7. Has anyone seen my earthworms???

8. I painted your shoes pretty, huh Mommy?

9. The dog doesn't like dressing up in your clothes.

10. I'm moving out. (Well, maybe some days.)

Friday, May 12, 2017

Why God Made Moms

Why God Made Moms Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related!
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between Moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but Moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Monday, May 08, 2017

I am a Seenager


I just discovered my age group

I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later.

I don't have to go to school or work

I get an allowance every month.

I have my own pad.

I don't have a curfew.

I have a driver's license and my own car.

I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store.

I like the wine store best.

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long,why be scared?

And I don't have acne.

Life is Good!

Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this if you are a Seenager.

Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.

People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.

Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear.

Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of
making older people do more exercise.

SO THERE!!

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names. So, please forward this to your friends; they may be my friends, too.

CHEERS!..................