Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Perfect Christmas??

I found this on someones Facebook page. But it is so true. Long read, but well worth it (I think).

There's something about Christmas I just can't stand.

I love the celebration and it's meaning. It has substance. It has depth. It's eternal. The underlying structure beneath the shiny paper and tinsel is made of granite and truth.

But I love the pageantry as well. The lights continue to fascinate me. The music continues to move me. It feels good to give to others, be it through material gifts or the gift of time and love.

And I love the memories. Our lives are a multi-colored fabric with many different threads of experience. Those are a large part of what makes Christmas so magical: the cherished memories.

We remember visions of twinkling lights...stockings hung...that one time it snowed....the sweet-treats on brightly colored plates.

And we spend most of our adult lives trying to re-create it ... to re-live it ... to share it again with our children, family, and friends.

And that's where it so often goes so very, very wrong.


Because as faulty humans we put backbreaking pressure on ourselves to something impossible:


And, of course, it can't be.


It's an unrealistic and ridiculous expectation!

And yet, we jump on that treadmill year after year - making the Christmas season annually one of the most stressful and worrisome times of the year.

Exactly what it's NOT meant to be.

We make ourselves miserable trying to make things perfect. Which leads to anxiety, frustration, anger. Which leads to hot temperaments. Which leads to hot words. Which leads to fights. Which leads to yelling. Which creates a sense of disquiet and the exact opposite of what the season is about:


And Love.

And Peace.

We've all been there.

You want the gift to be perfect. Or you want the meal to be perfect. Or you want the decorations to be perfect. Or you want your house to be clean (and perfect).

And it won't be. Because - remember this crucial point:


Something ALWAYS goes wrong.

Or is just off center. Or is just overcooked. Or is slightly out of place. Or is not really what she wanted.

Give yourself a gift this holiday season - and every season to come. Tell yourself:


Enjoy Christmas!

Sure. You should still do the things you need to do to function as a family.

But go ahead - right now - this very minute - and say to yourself:

Christmas doesn't have to be perfect.

Then add this thought for good measure:

It's usually when things go REALLY WRONG that we end up enjoying the most! And even if it's not fun at the moment? It becomes the best story of all time, passed down from generation to generation.

When I was a boy, I was in the Arkansas mountains at my grandparents for Thanksgiving. The whole family went. They lived on a dirt road, way up in the hills, away from everyone.

My grandmother had grand plans. Turkey . Ham. Biscuits. Pies. And more.

And then it snowed.

And snowed.

And snowed some more.

So much snow that those fragile power lines that snaked up through the mountains and trees JUST for my grandparents house came crashing down under the weight.

No power.

And it wasn't coming back anytime soon.

Disastrous? You bet! All that time, money, effort, and hopes? Dashed!

A bunch of yahoos sitting around a small house in the Arkansas woods in the cold and dark.

So what did we do?

We laughed.

The grownups said: Well - lets make the best of it.

We piled into pickup trucks, and slowly made our way into town.

My great aunt had an apartment there, miles and miles away. Turns out, they still had electricity in that small pocket. And it turned out that my great-aunt Margaret had all the fixin's for tacos.

So we ate Thanksgiving tacos.

We ate, and laughed, and looked out at the snow.

And gave thanks that we were all together.

A lot of those loved ones aren't with me anymore. And that has become a priceless heirloom. A cherished memory I'll revisit forever.

Give yourself breathing room this year.

Don't place so much stress on yourself to make things perfect that it ruins the very thing you should be celebrating.

Accept that things WILL go wrong (they will), and that things WON'T be perfect (they won't). Once you realize that truth, the pressure is off. And when the crushing load of self-imposed responsibility begins to lift, it will be one of the greatest gifts of all.


Breathe deep.

Start with basic health and wellness and give thanks for what you have.

Count your blessings.

And have a TRULY Merry Christmas.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

There are only 11 times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:

11. "Where the @#$% is all this snow coming from ?"
-- Hundreds of People, Buffalo, NY, 2014

10. "What the @#$% do you mean,
we are sinking?"
-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

9. "What the @#$% was that?"
-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

8. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
-- Custer, 1877

7. "Any @#$%ing idiot
could understand that."
-- Einstein, 1938

6. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
-- Picasso, 1926

5. "How the @#$%
did you work that out?"
-- Pythagoras, 126 BC

4. "You want WHAT
on the @#$%ing ceiling?”
-- Michelangelo, 1566

3. "Where the @#$% are we?"
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937

2. "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!"
-- Noah, 4314 BC

1. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
-- Bill Clinton, 1998

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

I'm lazy lately

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Computer Term Dictionary

State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

MacBook Air: Apple's Mac that makes you say, "Gee, it's three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a microsecond ago."

Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."

Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

GUI (pronounced "gooey"): What your computer becomes after spilling your coke on it.

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Clean Breakfast

Joe: "This morning my dad gave me soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast."

Sam: "I bet you were mad."

Joe: "Mad? I was foaming at the mouth!"