Sunday, March 11, 2018

Why Go To Church?

I think this is fantastic, I just love the guy's answer, and the interpretation for BIBLE. Enjoy and pass on.

If you're spiritually alive, you're going to love this!
If you're spiritually dead, you won't want to read it.
If you're spiritually curious, there is still hope!
A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday.
He wrote: "I've gone for 30 years now, and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons, but for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time, the preachers and priests are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all".
This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column.
Much to the delight of the editor, it went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:
"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals.
But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today.
Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!"
When you are DOWN to nothing, God is UP to something!
Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible & receives the impossible!
Thank God for our physical and our spiritual nourishment!


B. I. B L. E. simply means: Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth!
When you are about to forward this to others, the devil will discourage you.
So go on! Forward this to people who are DEAR to you and TRUST GOD.

Thursday, March 08, 2018


As I was just coming home and worrying about all the stuff going on in my life, my family’s lives, my friends’ lives, and what's happening in Washington, Moscow, North Korea, the Middle East, Hillary Clinton's scandals.. Donald Trump, Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, the downgrading of our military, the terrorists infiltrating our border, the illegals, the refugees, and how our country is rapidly losing its sanity and its Christianity...then I saw a yard sign that said:


Out of curiosity and desperation, I called the number.

A Mexican with a leaf blower showed up.

Wednesday, March 07, 2018

Good Clean Funny Lines

A Blonde's Year in Review

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!

Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... Box said ' 2-4 years!'

Trapped on escalator for hours ... Power went out!!!

Tried to make Kool Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

Tried to go water skiing....... Couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Lost breast stroke swimming competition..... Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

Got locked out of my car in rain storm...... Car swamped because soft-top was open.

The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???

Hate M & M's..... They are so hard to peel.

Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .... Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

Couldn't call 911. 'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Good Clean Funny Lines

Funeral Procession

My friend, her sister and I were driving in the procession to the cemetery for the funeral of a distant relative.

"Since we don't really know anybody, do you want to head on home?" the driver asked.

When the sister nodded, he made a right turn.

We had gotten about a quarter of a mile down the road when the driver happened to look in the rear-view mirror. The rest of the procession was still following us!

Saturday, January 13, 2018

God's Plan for Aging

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Nine Important Facts To Remember As We Grow Older:

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8 Life is sexually transmitted.

#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years unless you give them your email address.

#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

Please share this wisdom with others while I go to the bathroom.

Friday, January 12, 2018

Quotes from Phyllis Diller.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

My photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

Monday, January 01, 2018

Happy New Year 2018

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the IRS.

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends. May you find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may the commercials on TV not be louder than the program you have been watching, and may your check book and your budget balance - and include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent, your siblings; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and with the awareness of God's love in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile, every lover's kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.

Above all, may you continue to smile, may your life be filled with laughter, and may you never forget the words found in the Book of Proverbs, "A gloomy spirit rots the bones; but a merry heart is like good medicine."

Wishing your a very Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 2018!