Saturday, January 07, 2017
Wednesday, January 04, 2017
I am 80 years old and I have so many unanswered questions!!!!
I still haven't found out who let the Dogs Out...where's the beef...how to get to Sesame Street... why Dora doesn't just use Google Maps...Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same, or how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop......why eggs are packaged in a flimsy paper carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that's tough as nails, yet light bulbs too are in a flimsy carton... Ever buy scissors? You need scissors to cut into the packaging of scissors... i still don't understand why there is Braille on drive up ATM's or why "abbreviated" is such a long word; or why is there a D in 'fridge' but not in refrigerator... why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons... why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections... and, why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" where's that extra penny going... why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune... why did you just try to sing those two previous songs... and just what is Victoria's secret? ....and what would you do for a Klondike bar and you know as soon as you bite into it it falls apart...and Why do we drive on Parkways and park on Driveways?
Do you really think I am this witty?? ... I actually got this from a friend, who stole it from her brother's girlfriend's, uncle's cousin's, baby momma's doctor who lived next door to an old class mate's mail man...Now it is your turn to take it from me... Peace!!
Copy and Paste, change the age, and enjoy your day!!
Too funny not to post.
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Best Fish and Chips
Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery. She's just in time for dinner and is treated to the best fish and chips ever. After dinner, she goes to the kitchen to thank the chefs.
She is met by Brother Michael and Brother Charles. She thanks them and asks who cooked what.
Says Brother Charles: "I'm the fish friar."
She says to Brother Michael, "Then you must be..."
He replies, "Yes, I'm the chip monk."
Received from Timothy Anger.
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Last summer felt much hotter, and winter seems much colder.
There was a time not long ago when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand about "Living in the Past".
We used to go to weddings, football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes and after-funeral brunches.
We used to have hangovers from parties that were crazy.
Now we suffer body aches, we're sleepy, and we're lazy.
We used to go out dining, and couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags, come home and take a pill.
We used to often travel to places near and far.
Now we get sore asses from riding in the car.
We used to go to nightclubs and drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at night, and watch the evening news.
That, my friend is how life is, and now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up... before you're too damn
Monday, December 26, 2016
I wasn’t very hungry, but I ate through the house.
The cookies went down first with a chaser of milk, Next came the pie, what else but French Silk.
The gravy was nestled inside mashed potatoes, While my eyes gazed upon the cheese topped tomatoes.
And me with a napkin tucked under my chin, I settled myself down and just dove right in.
When deep in my mind I heard just a whisper, I tried to ignore it and eat my fifth dinner.
I grabbed for the drumstick and took a huge bite, The food on the table was calling my name, Saying, “It’s not that much, I’m sure you won’t gain”.
When what to my glazed over eyes should appear, But a vision of loveliness causing me fear.
With a shape that was lovely, much thinner and leaner, I knew in a minute it was my Weight Watchers Leader.
More rapid than eagles she bore down upon me, Grabbed the fork from my hand and pushed away the pastrami.
In a voice full of passion, it caused such a tremor, She said “Christmas is over - today’s like any other!”
Throw the cake in the trash! The cream soup down the disposal! Toss away all the candy and pack up that streusel.
What food you have left take to the Senior citizen home. I’m sure they’ll enjoy it if you can’t leave it alone.
You can eat what you want but please watch your portions. So you can step on the scale with smaller proportions.
Your new blouse is pretty in that new smaller size, But soon it won’t fit unless you are wise.
Go get a work out at your favorite gym. Or just go for a walk if you can’t fit that in.
Why not dance until dawn til you feel like you can’t. You’ll thank me later when you fit in your pants.”
Then as quickly as she came she vanished away, Saying “Be at the meeting the very next day”.
But I heard her exclaim as she drifted from here, “Christmas is over but you still have New Year’s.”