Thursday, September 03, 2015

Good Clean Funnies

Word Play

1. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

2. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

3. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

4. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

5. A hole was found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking in to it.

6. A sign on the lawn of a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."

7. A backward poet writes in-verse.

8. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

9. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

10. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects.

Wednesday, September 02, 2015

I'm not even sure of a couple of them.

Tuesday, September 01, 2015

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Good Clean Funnies

Writers' Quotes

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." (Tom Clancy)

"I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it." (William Faulkner)

"I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87." (Steve Martin)

"I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know." (Mel Brooks)

"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous." (Robert Benchley)

"A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction." (William Faulkner)

"The free-lance writer is the person who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps." (Robert Benchley)

Monday, August 24, 2015

Merchant Captain

One of the world's most famous merchant captains died, having long been admired by his crew and fellow officers. They remained puzzled, however, over a strange ritual he performed daily.

While at sea he would lock himself in his cabin and open a small safe, take out an envelope with a note inside, and read it. After locking the paper back in the safe, he would return to his duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew back to the ship and into the captain's quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, and read the words aloud to an astonished crew:

"Port: Left; Starboard: Right."

P.S. We all need to be reminded of things we should all ready know and remember, but just in case, I guess we all should make ourselves a note and read it each day.
From me, Patty.

Sunday, August 23, 2015