Friday, August 22, 2014

The Young Priest

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, ''You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.''

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, ''And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony.''

''Thank you, Father,'' answered the young priest. ''I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.''

''All of these ideas have been well and good,'' said the elderly priest, ''But I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru
confessional.''

''But, Father,'' protested the young priest, ''my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!''

''Yes,'' replied the elderly priest, ''and I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell' cannot stay on the church roof!"

Glory to God & may He bless you with His love.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Fortune Teller
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the fortune teller delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the young woman stared back at the old woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her shaking hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. Her mind raced. A question forced it's way out... she simply had to know.. She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, tried to steady her voice and asked,

"Will I be acquitted?"



Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Kraft Recipes
I'm sure you might find something new to try. Kraft has always had pretty good recipes.
CLICK HERE




Sunday, August 17, 2014

Great Sunday Morning Sermon

Mark 17
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Saturday, August 16, 2014

1910 Ford

Make sure you read all the statistics under the photo.

Show this to your friends, children and/or grandchildren!
The year is 1910, over one hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1910:
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The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.
Fuel for this car was sold in drug stores only.
Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !
The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.
The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2,000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME.
Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools,
many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard.'
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
There was no such thing as underarm deodorant or tooth paste.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.
The five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars.
The population of Las Vegas Nevada was only 30!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer and iced tea hadn't been invented yet
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write, and only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.
There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !
I am now going to forward this to someone else without typing it myself.
From there, it will be sent to others all over the WORLD...all in a matter of seconds!
Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Little Kevin
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the Finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . . . . "And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Kevin’s whore."
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This is me Patty, now that would be a shocker, but the little girls' reply would also have been a shocker. LOL


Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Meeting the Big Guy

A rich American tourist was on vacation overseas and was intent on seeing the Big Guy. He stood in a big long line with a rather expensive suit on, hoping the Big Guy would notice how smart he was and perhaps say a few words to him.

As the Big Guy made his way slowly down the line, he walked right past the American, hardly even noticing him.

The Big Guy then stopped next to a low-life sot, leaned over, whispered something in the sot's ear, and made his way on again.

This really angered the American. After speaking with the drunkard, the American agreed to pay $1,000 dollars to exchange clothing, in the hope that the Big Guy would speak to him the next day.

The next morning the American stood in the line, waiting to see the Big Guy and hopefully exchange a few words. The Big Guy was making his way slowly up to the American. When he finally reached him, he leaned over to the American and spoke softly into his ear...

"I thought I told you yesterday to get the heck out of here?!"

This is Patty, I may be stupid, not sure who the Big Guy is.