Thursday, October 02, 2014

Part I
Fantastic Golden Words......

1. Your shoes are the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes.

2. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there's a 50% chance you'll die within the next 3 years.

3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you.
There's a 9% chance that you'll meet one of them in your lifetime.

4. Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and keeps your spine stronger.

5. A person`s height is determined by their father, and their weight is determined by their mother.

6. If a part of your body "falls asleep", You can almost always "wake it up" by shaking your head.

7. There are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing - food, attractive people and danger.

8. Right-handed people tend to chew food on their right side

9. Putting dry tea bags in gym bags or smelly shoes will absorb the unpleasant odor.

10. According to Albert Einstein, if honey bees were to disappear from earth, humans would be dead within 4 years.

11. There are so many kinds of apples, that if you ate a new one everyday, it would take over 20 years to try them all.

12. You can survive without eating for weeks, but you will only live 11 days without sleeping.

13. People who laugh a lot are healthier than those who don`t.

14. Laziness and inactivity kills just as many people as smoking.

15. A human brain has a capacity to store 5 times as much information as Wikipedia.

16. Our brain uses the same amount of power as a 10-watt light bulb!!

17. Our body gives enough heat in 30 mins to boil 1.5 liters of water!!

18. The Ovum egg is the largest cell and the sperm is the smallest cell !!

19. Stomach acid (conc. HCl) is strong enough to dissolve razor blades!!

20. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day & while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate antidepressant.

21. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

22. When you wake up in the morning, pray to ask God's guidance for your purpose, today.

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Bashing Women Day
(Part II)

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It just seems longer.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out."

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults.

I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that, as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

April and I were lying in bed the other day. My hands were slowly finding their way across her body. I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world." She whispered back, "I will miss you."

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Bashing Women Day
(Part I)

Seems I'm always putting things on here bashing men, now it's the man's turn. Hope you enjoy these.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I daren't interrupt her.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same: "You can have mine."

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. "A billionaire," she replied.

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "Dad! I've found a woman just like mother." His father replied, "So what do you want, sympathy?"



Monday, September 29, 2014

Mating How Often?

My wife and I went to the Calgary 4H agricultural show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ....Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week ! .........You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
In capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 'That's once a day .You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.'

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.








Sunday, September 28, 2014

Good Morning

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Have You Ever Felt Like This?

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Charm School

Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion.

The first woman said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me."

The second woman commented, "Well, isn't that nice."

The first woman continued "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive."

Again, the second woman commented, "Well, isn't that nice."

The first woman boasted "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."

Yet again, the second woman commented "Well, isn't that nice."

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

The second woman replied "My husband sent me to charm school."

"Charm school!" the first woman cried "land sakes, child, what on Earth for?"

The second woman responded, "So that instead of saying 'who cares?', I learned to say 'Well, isn't that nice.'"