Saturday, July 19, 2014

Car Insurance Excuses

- The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

- The accident occured when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.

- I was driving my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.

- Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

- The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

- As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeard in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

- The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.

- An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished.

- I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it.

- To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

- A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

- The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over.

- I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Blessed Part 1

** Blessed are the Internet junkies, for their time shalt be a net loss.

** Blessed are those who build bridges, for they shalt get over it.

** Blessed are those who recycle motor oil, for they shall be refined.

** Blessed is the TV weatherman, for he shalt talk up a storm.

** Blessed are the undertakers, for they shalt be the last to let you down.

** Blessed are they who knit their own hosiery, for they shalt not get a run for their money.

** Blessed are the auctioneers, for they shall look forbidding.

** Blessed are the breadmakers, for they shalt rise to the occasion.

** Blessed are the nuns, for they shall have no bad habits.

** Blessed are those who stop horseback riding, for they shalt be full of woe.

** Blessed are the thrifty deer hunters, for they shalt get more bang for their buck.

** Blessed are the ministers who make mistakes, for it shall only be a clerical error.

** Blessed are the unionized church workers, for they shalt bargain in good faith.

** Blessed are the watchmakers, for they shalt work overtime.

** Blessed are the religious nuclear engineers, for they shalt have critical mass.

** Blessed are students in Christian schools, for they shalt have good Principals.

** Blessed are the poor losers, for they shalt continue to diet.

** Blessed are those who are multi-lingual, for they shalt be misunderstood in many languages.

** Blessed are those who are in medical school, for they shall become ill-literate.

** Blessed are the unemployed jesters, for they shalt be nobody's fool.

** Blessed are the drama students, for they shalt be a class act.

** Blessed are the bridesmaids, for they shalt be wedding belles.

** Blessed are the landscapers, for they shalt be bushed.

** Blessed are the gymnasts, for they shalt always do good turns.

** Blessed are they who do the ironing, for they shalt not be depressed.

** Blessed are the orchard growers, for their work shall not be fruitless.

** Blessed are they who avoid their in-laws, for they shalt not be relatively annoyed.

** Blessed are the candy-makers, for they shalt make a mint.

** Blessed are they who process lettuce, for they shalt see the tip of the iceberg.

** Blessed are they who own horses, for they shalt have stability.

** Blessed are they who play tennis, for love means nothing to them.

** Blessed are they that wrap leftovers, for they shalt be foiled again.

** Blessed are the fishermen, for they shalt have net income.

** Blessed are the musicians, for they shalt be noteworthy.

** Blessed are those who are tailors, for they shalt be suited for it.

** Blessed are those who drink orange juice, for they shalt be able to concentrate.

** Blessed is he who attends church at more than one denomination, for he shalt be bi-sectual.

** Blessed is he who stops smoking, for he shalt be a quitter.

** Blessed is he who has a word processor, for his words shalt be minced.

** Blessed are those who watch the stars, for their work shalt be astronomical.

** Blessed are those who make perfect bread, for they shalt be a good roll model.

** Blessed are they who make it through April, for they shalt be in dismay.

** Blessed is he who plows in a straight furrow, for he shall be in a rut.

** Blessed are they who give hugs; for they are truly appreciated (more than they'll ever know).

** Blessed are they who have cellular phones, for they shalt receive the call wherever they are.

** Blessed are those who turn off their cellular phones, for they shall have peace.

** Blessed are those who refrain from alcohol, for they shall remain sober.

** Blessed are those who laugh often, for they shalt have strong funnybones.

** Blessed are those who speak as lawyers, for they shalt be brief.

** Blessed are those who meet their mate on the internet, for it shall be love at first site.

** Blessed are the piemakers, for they shall generate fellowship. They are also the "Upper Crust." They Have a Lot of Crust!

** Blessed are those who attend church regularly, for they shall be pewed.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Kicking the Can

I was foraging in my mom's garage the other day when I spied a rusty red can. It was an old, slightly dented Folgers Coffee can, sitting on a shelf. I peeked inside; it held a variety of nuts, bolts and screws. I smiled because I knew in its younger days, that particular container had seen a lot more action as the central element in our neighborhood games of Kick the Can.

Hot summer evenings in the late 1960s and early 1970s were the perfect time to gather the brood of neighbor kids for a rowdy game of Kick the Can in our backyard. The red can was placed upside down in the middle of the grass and whoever was "it" began counting to 100 by 5's while the rest of us scrambled to hide in trees, behind fences, over the hill and under the boxes by the garage. We could play the game for hours, fighting off the mosquitoes while we made mad dashes to the can to triumphantly punt it sky-high and release any captives that had been discovered and detained.

According to Wikipedia, the game of Kick the Can, along with other "old-fashioned" outdoor games is becoming less and less known to each generation. Past generations remember this game fondly, says the report, and it was enough of a cultural phenomenon at one time that it was a theme in a 1962 episode of The Twilight Zone and was incorporated later in the 1983 film of the same name.

I doubt many kids today would understand the concept of an unstructured, unsupervised game like Kick the Can. But just in case, I decided to do my part. I grabbed the old red can from the shelf, emptied its contents into another container, and then tossed it in my car. Next week, my young nephews and nieces will get a lesson from their aunt on good, old-fashioned summer fun.
'Til next time,
Mary Beth Weisenburger,
Good Old Days® magazine

What was your favorite summertime game? Send a brief response to me at Editor@GoodOldDaysMagazine.com and it could appear in a future newsletter or in Good Old Days magazine! Keep your replies coming!

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Bible Confusion

The little girl was sitting with her grandmother, who had presented her with her first little children's Bible, in an easy-to-read translation, when she was very young.

Now, a decade or so later, the elderly lady was ready to spend a few sweet moments handing down the big old family Bible, in the time-honored King James Version, to her only grandchild.

Understandably excited, the youngster was asking a number of questions, both about the family members whose births and deaths were recorded therein, and about various aspects of the Scriptures themselves.

Her grandmother was endeavoring to answer all the child's questions in terms she could understand, but the one that stopped her cold was this sincere inquiry:

"Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? Was it the Virgin Mary, or the King James virgin?"

Received from Pastor Tim.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

59 years ago.
Abe and I went to Richmond Ind, got our blood test, marriage license, two gold wedding bands and got married all in one day. I don't know if you can still do that or not. 59 years later, five children and five grandchildren, it's amazing.

Monday, July 07, 2014

The Train of Life

At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they will always travel on our side. However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone.

As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant, i.e., our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of your life. Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum. Others will go so unnoticed that we don't realize they vacated their seats. This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells.

Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves.

The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty, we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.

I wish you a joyful journey on the train of life. Reap success and give lots of love. More importantly, thank God for the journey. Lastly, I thank you for being one of the passengers on my train.

Sunday, July 06, 2014