Thursday, March 26, 2015
1. Avoid riding in automobiles
because they are responsible for
20% of all fatal accidents.
2. Do not stay home because
17% of all accidents occur in the home.
3. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks
because 14% of all accidents
occur to pedestrians.
4. Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water
because 16% of all accident s involve
these forms of transportation.
5. Of the remaining 33%,
32% of all deaths occur in Hospitals.
So, above all else, avoid hospitals
BUT, you will be pleased to learn that only .001%
of all deaths occur in worship services in church, and these are usually related to previous physical disorders. Therefore, logic tells us that the safest place for you to be at any given point in time is at church!
....And.....Bible study is safe too. The percentage of deaths during Bible study is even less.
So, Attend church, and read your Bible
IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE
GOD BLESS YOU
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Monday, March 23, 2015
I remember the bologna of my childhood,
And the bread that we cut with a knife,
When the children helped with the housework,
And the men went to work not the wife.
The cheese never needed a fridge,
And the bread was so crusty and hot,
The children were seldom unhappy
And the wife was content with her lot.
I remember the milk from the bottle,
With the yummy cream on the top,
Our dinner came hot from the oven,
And not from a freezer; or the shop.
The kids were a lot more contented,
They didn't need money for kicks,
Just a game with their friends in the road,
And sometimes the Saturday flicks.
I remember the shop on the corner,
Where cookies for pennies were sold
Do you think I'm a bit too nostalgic?
Or is it....I'm just getting old?
The baths were taken in a #3 wash tub,
With plenty of rich foamy suds
But the ironing seemed never ending
As Mama pressed everyone's 'duds'.
I remember the slap on my backside,
And the taste of soap if I swore
Anorexia and diets weren't heard of
And we hadn't much choice what we wore.
Do you think that bruised our ego?
Or our initiative was destroyed?
We ate what was put on the table
And I think life was better enjoyed.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Noah’s Ark: Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah’s Ark
One: Don’t miss the boat
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark
Four: Stay fit. When you’re 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five: Don’t listen to critics, just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
Eight: Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you’re stressed, float awhile.
Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven: No matter the storm, there’s always a rainbow waiting.
you want to be blessed.
but Friends leave footprints in your heart.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
The Good, Clean Funnies List
Why do some sausages have meat at one end and corn meal at the other?
Because it is hard to make both ends meat.
Two lovers who had been apart for some time were reunited on a foggy day.
One whispered to the other, "I mist you."
"I see you went crazy at that big summer sale."
"You got that right. I almost bought their elevator 'cause it was marked down."
"I felt great just chewing away, blowing huge bubbles. Then the bubble burst, it lost its flavor, and I started worrying about my life again and what it means..."
"Yep! That's the trouble with Carefree Gum."
I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me.
A tax collector went to a tannery. "Why haven't you paid your taxes?" the collector asked the owner of the tannery.
"Business has been very bad," answered the tanner.
"Do you mind if I check around the place?" asked the tax man.
"Go ahead," invited the owner. "You'll see I have nothing to hide."