How To Install A Home Security System
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots size 14-16.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the Gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
PS - " I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside."
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