Thursday, January 31, 2008

COLD MORNING, 14 ABOVE ZERO.


THE DRUNK

A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on US 23 about 2 miles south of the Virginia/Kentucky State line.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Roanoke to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and asked if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, A car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy, from Tennessee , got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, " You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test!!"

Now for a little man bashing
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary.

On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"


Five Tips for an Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. Record your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement "My purpose is to____ today."

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.





7 comments:

Chica said...

Oh man, it must be cold only being 14 degrees outside. My weather here, is snow again, the other day we got 4 inches, looks like we'll get another inch today.

I like the 5 tips to a powerful life part, it's all very true, and if I recorded my late night shows, I would get at least 2 more hours of sleep, lol.

Wanda said...

OK Patty....I've been to your blog, and now I'm ready for the day!!
You are my moring vitimin!!

LOL Wanda

These were all so fun to read!!

david mcmahon said...

Your spirit of fun is so evident in the two entries in the Looney Limerick contest!!

Do say hello to Old Man Lincoln for me ...

Old Wom Tigley said...

Hello Patty
Big smiles from Jane and myself... as for living by the 3 E's... my energy goes out for a walk on it's own at times..:D)

Renie Burghardt said...

Hi Patty,

We had real snow today! Bummer. LOL.

That was a Good Fairy, indeed! Haha.

Love the three E's.

Have a great evening.

Renie

Gardener Greg said...

Yuck yuck yuck on the man bashing, lol Ok it was funny. Thanks Patty

'JoAnn's-Digital-Eyes' said...

Hi Patty,

Nice blog again, I am getting always to your blog when I wnat to read something wise but funny, both! You are really great in that .
You said you are older than our Queen in Holland: I think that You are a young (in heart)nice woman so is our busy Dutch Queen. What is age saying?? Only 70 years youngh our Queen is? Well my Patty dear no-one is as you ,so unique,so good looking, so well organised "with your children they all seem to adore you!!"and good in blogging too. I wish I could be someday when I reach your age...like you!

That would be nice, that when I am at your age, that I am still together with my hubby, and looks so great like you do!!!

Thanks for you nice blog and sweet comments, have agood weekend with your hubby and family:)