Best Of Late Night

Good morning, I'm up early, our non-blogging daughter and I are going to Melissa's to pick up Audrey so she can spend the day and night. She has no school today and doesn't want to stay at day care with all the little ones. No one her age will be there today. Also if she spends the night, then her Mom can come into Dayton in the morning to take her Math exam at Sinclair and afterwards pick Audrey up from here and then drive to her sister Melinda's so the kids can color eggs. I understand that Ms Audrey will spend the night with Melinda (Audrey's aunt) and Noah (Audrey's cousin). Ms Audrey is a regular social butterfly. LOL.

"According to CNN News, John McCain would win if only beer drinkers voted. A Democrat, either Hillary or Barack, would win if only wine drinkers would vote. Here’s the interesting part: If we all got drunk on tequila, Ralph Nader might actually have a shot."- Jay Leno

"Today it was revealed that Eliot Spitzer’s call girl appeared in a “Girls Gone Wild” video when she was a teen. When asked about it, she said, 'That was during my embarrassing pre-hooker days.'"- Conan O'Brien

"Vice President Dick Cheney also in Iraq. He told the Iraqi government that their leaders have to show progress on both the domestic and economic fronts. And the Iraqis said to Cheney, 'Uh . . . you first.'" - Jay Leno

"There was one bit of good news for the economy earlier today. At the last minute, a large investment bank was rescued at the last minute. It was adopted by Angelina Jolie." -David Letterman

"Even President Bush starting to get worried about this economy being out of control, you know. I mean, gold is over $1,000 an ounce. Oil, $1,100 a barrel. Hookers, $5,000 an hour." - Jay Leno

"And now and not a minute too soon, there's a quiz that you can take to tell if your spouse is cheating. Question number one: Is your spouse a governor?"-David Letterman

"This is historic. New York now has a new governor. Excited about that? This is getting weird. Yesterday, David Paterson was sworn in as the new governor of New York. And hours later, he admitted to having an extramarital affair. Yeah, so in other words, he's already fitting right in." - Conan O'Brien

"It just gets stranger and stranger, doesn't it? ... Former Governor Jim McGreevey announced one day that he was not be married anymore because he liked kissing boys. ... I don't mean boys. I mean men. So anyway, they said, okay. You don't have to be governor anymore. Now it turns out that he and his wife and another guy were having three-way sexual acts. I read that and I said to myself, I can't even handle a three-way bulb." - David Letterman

"A Happy St. Patrick's Day to everybody! Amazing, over 300 sober people. You never see that on St. Patrick's Day. Everybody's wearing green. The only place you didn't see any green today, Wall Street." - Jay Leno

"And then, of course, more news on the Spitzer scandal. It was reported today that the prostitute in the Eliot Spitzer scandal also had sex with Charlie Sheen. When asked about it, Sheen said, 'Hey, she's a prostitute, I'm Charlie Sheen, it was bound to happen'" -Conan O'Brien