Friday, August 22, 2008

Some mighty fine quotes!

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.-- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.-- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.- - Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.-- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.-- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.-- Groucho Marx

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.-- Alex Levine

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap. -- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.-- W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.-- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you.-- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.-- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.-- Billy Crystal

The cardiologist' s diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

Give me a sense of humor, Lord;

Give me the grace to see a joke,

To get some humor out of life,

And pass it on to other folk.


Diane said...

Loved them!! Well said...

Loved the ugliest woman. I laughed out loud.

Have a great weekend.


Abraham Lincoln said...

The George Burns quote is perfect and would apply to all the sermons I ever heard. That is to say I never heard a real sermon except those my mother delivered to me and I was in the front row seat.

Gramma Ann said...

They were all funny. But I have to agree with Phyllis Diller. "Everything has done fallen, worn out and I'm spread everywhere."

Pat - An Arkansas Stamper said...

Good ones, Mrs. L.!

Abraham Lincoln said...

Please, honey, don't say to much about how I got you pregnant on the Abe's Town blog. People will think we went to sleep like that and woke up like that. Or did we?

raccoonlover1963 said...

How very true! I should have bisited you yesterday, but got called away by my mother to pick her up at a luncheon. You have an award waiting at my post from yesterday, and I have posted today. Wow, 2 days in a row! I'm on a roll now! lol

Renie Burghardt said...

These are all great, Patty. I especially liked the one by Will Rogers about slowing down the aging process, and the one by Churchil about avoiding temptation. lol. And did Jimmy Carter's mother really say that? lol.

Good night!


Tomate Farcie said...

Excellent!! I like the Will Rogers' one. Thanks again!