Monday, August 11, 2008

Someone has a sense of humor!

UPS Pilots

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane,
but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget. UPS Airlines


Gramma Ann said...

Very funny, I esp. liked the one that said "Airplane handles funny...straighten up and fly right and be serious.."

Have a good day.

The 4th Sister said...

These were all very good and new to me....what a laugh..

Annake said...

Hahahaha, too funny! :-D

Anonymous said...

I don't know where they come from but they sounded good to me. I like the sense of humor the mechanic has.

Tomate Farcie said...

Hahahaha!! Good ones! :)

Renie Burghardt said...

These are funny, but Yikes!!! I don't like to fly!

Good night, Patty.


Wanda said...

Oh that mechanic is my kind of guy!!

Making late rounds tonight as I was with Julie all day. Procedure went well, took some biopsy samples, will here tomorrow after 2 PM.


raccoonlover1963 said...

Good one Patty. That is hilarious!

Merle said...

Dear Patty ~~ I love these and when I posted it, it was Quantas, our Aussie
Airline who have never had an accident either. A few minor problems lately. Thanks for your comments and I am glad you liked the Start Over
story and the jokes. Hope all is well at your house. Sleep well and
Take care, Love, Merle.

Martin Stickland said...

Is this for real Patty!!? Love it! It seems like the kind of outfit I would like to work for.

I asked Abe if I could pop around for a cup of tea with you and sit in your lovely back yard?

Love to Abe!


Nancy said...

Are these real? If so, I don't want to fly with that compamy. LOL Some pretty witty answers there! LOL

Diane said...

Laughed out loud! Hilarious...