Monday, July 27, 2009

Got this in my e-mail

My twitter doesn't tweet
Someone e-mailed this to me and even though it's a long read, I found it quite funny.

Things are spiraling out of control. I think I have become lost in a world of electronic madness. One of my sons informed me this week that my cell phone has become
obsolete and I must head down to the Cell Phone store and get a phone that is contemporary with the time.

I pointed out that the fancy Razor/Slim line phone with camera built in that he made me trade my perfectly good flip-top Motorola cell phone for two years ago still works perfectly fine. Well, except for the camera thing. Never could figure that out... Even the few times I actually did take pictures I couldn't figure what to do with them and gave up.

That is except when I would push the wrong button and take a video of the ceiling or my feet. Seems the issue is that I am unable to text with the tiny little 3 character buttons. "Hi, son," would come out looking like, "Gh Qmo." My grandkids have even spoken to me about my crazy text messages. Give me a break. What ever happened to actually talking on a phone? Isn't that what they were invented for?

They want me to get one of those phones that you can turn upside down and sideways and has a typewriter keyboard with keys about one-eighth the size of my pinky finger.
One of my four sons is a realtor whose real occupation is fly-fishing. "Way to go, son."
Or in my text language, "Xbz um Io, rmo."

We were floating the Yakima River in his guide quality drift boat south of Ellensburg, Washington. We were miles from anything remotely resembling civilization. Rock canyon walls were on either side of us. Bear with me as I try to explain this strange thing.
His "Blackberry" rang. It was blue and I asked him why it wasn't called a Blueberry. He shook his head with that 'dealing with an elder despair' look I get a lot these days. It was another realtor who called to say that the sellers he represented had agreed to my son's client's changes and he had the signed documents in hand.

My son told him to FAX the papers to his office and he would get them signed and Faxed back, to close the deal that morning. A minute later the phone rang and he hit a few buttons and looked over the FAX, now on the Yakima River with us.

He then called his clients and told them he was Faxing the papers to them to sign and asked them to FAX them back to his office.. While he was waiting, he hooked into a fat rainbow and was just releasing this 22 inch beauty as his phone rang again with the signed FAX from his clients.

He called the other realtor and told him he was sending the signed papers back by FAX. The deal was closed. He smiled and just said, "You are a little behind the times, Dad." I guess I am.

I thought about the sixty million dollar a year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and communicated with Facebook and Twitter.

I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag. The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at
Barnes and Nobles talking to my wife as every one in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it and got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating" You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop.
I bought some of those cloth re-usable bags to avoid looking confused but never remember to take them in with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.


Sunny said...

Thank you for starting my day off with a good laugh!
Sunny :)

Gramma Ann said...

Lol... I like "Bi-sackual" Maybe I'll say that next time, just to see the look on their face. Last time I upgraded my cell phone, I settled for one with a camera and that's it. But, the thing of it is, I never use the camera on my phone, I have a real camera to take pictures. But my family loves what they call "their awesome iPhones."

kavita said...

I liked GPS with a lady inside the phone husband loved his NOKIA(i bet the company too can't remember the model)but because of constant pressure from his frns and other relatives he was forced to buy this new one(a very complicated gadget)...this story is so much like his..

mommanator said...

O I love it! young folk just dont know how to stop and smell the roses or better BE STILL AND KNOW THTA HE IS GOD!

Tomate Farcie said...

Hahaha!! I am a bi-sacsual, too and even bring my own to the grocery store! :) Great story, it sure was worth the long read, thank you! :)

I have the raz'r phone he's talking about and texting is very difficult with that thing. Who knew we'd be texting when we bought the phone, though? One thing that bothers me more is that you can't hear real well out of that phone either. It's a cute phone, though, great to look at but not real practical. Guess it's time for (yet another) phone upgrade.

Brenda said...

HAHAHa....well I hate to admit it but I am getting a little too hooked on all of this electronic gadgetry. If I could afford one I would get an iphone.

nanny said...

This is just the best one ever!!! I'm gonna print it and frame it!!!
I have been so overloaded lately with new TV due to lightning,
trying to blog and not having time! My grandkids say I am slow to respond to their text messages, well duh, I have to look for the letters/ha Their phone knows what they are typing and gets ahead of them,,,,can you believe that? I have to wait on mine to go to the next

Renie Burghardt said...

Haha, me, too! I'm bi-sacstual as well.

My kids and grandkids have all the gadgets and do all the texting, etc. all the time. Me, I am happy with my plain old cell phone, which I only use on the road, or emergencies and such. It is a camera phone, but I rarely use the camera.

Fun read. I am surprised Abe hasn't made a comment about it, Patty.

Have a good night.


Anonymous said...

HAHAHA this is really cool :) and yes we do forget to smell the fragrance of a flower...

Freedom Debt Relief