Saturday, November 28, 2009

Hope this bring a smile to your face

Little Johnny's at it again......

These should bring a smile to your face.

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

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Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Little Johnny asked, " Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
(this is my favorite)

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ..'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If this brightened your day, don't let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile. Keep spreading the cheer! Pass on to your friends! They like Johnny too ya know!


Jack and Joann said...

We had a very nice Thanksgiving and we ate way too much too. LOL!

madcobug said...

Those are cute LOL. Helen

Anonymous said...

These are so cute. Can't wait to tell my daughter the math one -she's math teacher. She'll love it

jinksy said...

Can't beat a bit of seeing through the eyes of a child...

Twisted Fencepost said...

Poor Johnny! He always get a bad rap. tee hee

Twisted Fencepost said...

Poor Johnny! He always gets a bad rap. tee hee

Beth Niquette said...

Little Johnny is so droll! Thank you for the laughter this morning. (Grin) I think laughing and smiling may be one of the best spices of life.

Tripti said...

Good ones, before going to bad, i guess i will have funny dreams tonite :-)

Beth Niquette said...

Your grandmother sounds like mine. She kept every card she ever received--I would look through them as a child--those and the fairytale books Mom had. They shaped the way I draw and paint.

Oh, I thought you'd enjoy reading about something that happened to "Johnny" after he grew the famous words of my husband--you heard this??? (grin) Here goes:

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the
freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly open the door to the
freezer, the parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully
intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Winifred said...

That johnny is a smart little lad!

When my daughter was little she watched an advert for Pil of Ulay moisturising cream. She said to me "You use that don't you Mam?" I said "yes I do". Her response? "Why didn't it work for you?". Don't you just love children!

Renie Burghardt said...

Yes, these did bring a smile and a chuckle too. The last one was my favoriter as well.

My daughter and family are winging their way home, and I'm beat and going to bed early!

Have a good night, Patty.


Denise said...

Love them Patty, thanks!

Cheryl said...

These brought a smile to my face for sure. The one with the horses in it was the one that made me smile the most!

Pat - Arkansas said...

Brought a smile to this old face, Patty! Love the horses/UPS story. I'll have to pass that to my son in law who works for UPS!

Wanda said...

HOw nice to get a few smiles before I hit the bed..... Good night!

Rosy said...

Gee I love them all, but I think my favorite ones has to be the Cold Cream and the Math.

Thanks for the laught, now I can go to be in a much happier mood.