Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Might just work, LOL

The Toddler's Miracle Diet...


People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation ( the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days.

Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed that most two years olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult you doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good luck!

DAY ONE----
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handfull of potato chips, and a glass of milk ( 3 sips only, then spill the rest)

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor...........

DAY TWO----
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handfull of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker untill sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.

DAY THREE----
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of your best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handfull of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY----

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar.. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.


10 comments:

Arkansas Patti said...

Think the key to the diet is throwning most of our food on the floor. That will keep us slim and our pets obese.
Very funny.

reanaclaire said...

gosh...what diet is that, patty?? i have put on some weight and tot i could find a good plan here .. :)

Denise said...

So cute! Thanks for the comforting words when I was having computer problems. I have them sorted out now. I downloaded another server.

Margaret Cloud said...

Can you imagine eating all that stuff, gag. It would work if you could manage to stay alive. My niece use to eat crayolas and the lead from the end of the pencil and she is still alive. Very nice post.

Clytie said...

It's a wonder any of us are alive after what we ate as children! :=}

But come to think of it ... I WAS a very skinny child ...

Renie Burghardt said...

All those yuckies will keep one slim and trim,alright! Haha.

Beth Niquette said...

(guffaw) Ain't it true, ain't it true! My little niece does just that. I'm sending this to her Mom!

(grin) Thank you so much for putting this one up. I had a good laugh.

Merle said...

Dear Patty ~~ What a fun diet for littlies. Mind you cleaning all the mess up would help us a bit with
the exercise. Amazing what kids do eat.
Glad you liked the yellow shirt story and I am glad your blood sugar levels are near normal again after the cortisone injection in the knee.
I am so happy you have good results from the eye appointment.
I went to Doctor today and he has increased the tablet again, so I hope I see big improvement soon.
Take care, dear friend,Love,Merle.

Abe Lincoln said...

What does these do to my diet? Well, lately, I will eat just about anything.

Twisted Fencepost said...

Think I'll just stick with the starvation diet!