Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Another from my dear friend Beth

THAT AND THIS OR THIS AND THAT

If I am what I eat, should I avoid fruit and nuts?

If all else fails, stop using all else.

I want to die young, as late as possible.

Forever: the time it takes to brew the first pot of coffee in the morning.

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.

Counselor to new boy at camp: 'We want you to be happy, so enjoy yourself here. If there's something you want we haven't got, I'll show you how to get along without it.'

It was announced today that Buckwheat, of Our Gang fame, has converted to the Muslim faith and changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.

Friends are the bacon bits in the salad bowl of life.

I'm having amnesia and déją vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

The Italian government is considering installing a clock in the Leaning Tower of Pisa . The reason? What good is it if you have the inclination, but you don't have the time?

A blonde walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?" The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library." So, the blonde whispers, "Can I have a burger and fries?"

An astronaut who fails on a weightlessness experiment must be aware of the gravity of the situation.

Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.


12 comments:

reanaclaire said...

Patty, u did it again.. today was a boring day at the office.. now it is different :p

jinksy said...

Amnesia and deja vu? A winning combination if ever I heard one.

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

If I am what I eat.
- very true.

Arkansas Patti said...

All are brilliant, no arguments here.

kavita said...

The thing about opera...lolz.Where do you find all these amazingly hilarious stuff ?wow !!

Clytie said...

Love these! Especially the amnesia and deja vu one. So true. I think.

Shionge said...

Hey Patty...you never failed to make me smile/laugh :D Thank you for cheering me again.....shhhh.....now I know what a blonde will order in a library hahahahah.....

Cheryl said...

Great!

Denise said...

Priceless!!! Thanks Patty.

ChrisJ said...

I like the one about the opera singer. The funniest thing I ever saw at an opera was when we were way, way up in the gods. The heroine threw herself dramatically off the castle parapet, but there must have been a mattress there, because we sitting up high saw her bounce up again! I nearly died laughing -- and at such a dramatic moment!!

Beth Niquette said...

Ah, tis all true!

Margaret Cloud said...

This was a fun read.