Saturday, May 15, 2010

Military humor

Military humor...

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference... If it is a commercial flight, it is 3 o'clock . If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Wednesday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."


During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. "Yours is."


Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position,the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
"Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"


Anonymous said...

Well the military time brings back memories.

I think I posted a comment meant for this on your previous post. You can just delete it.

Arkansas Patti said...

Those were totally delightful and had me laughing out loud.
Thanks, a good way to start the weekend.

Tom said...

Excellent Patty... I will alter these a tad to suit us Brits and send them on... :O)

Renie Burghardt said...

Military funnies! I enjoyed them, Patty. Especially the last one! Hahaha.

Have a nice evening.


dyanna said...

Beautiful Patty ! I love it.

Clytie said...

Having spent 17 years as a military wife, then being dumped by said soldier just before he retired ... I can say some of these are soooooo true!!! I love this post!!!!

Patty said...

Clytie, What a jerk that man must have been, 17 years and all of that moving around. I guess it just goes to show us, we don't always know a person.

Margaret Cloud said...

These were funny and I enjoyed them especially the last one.

Merle said...

Hi Patty ~~ Great military jokes. I liked the first one best - a simple
question -What time is it? with all the answers.
I have survived my busy week, Jacqui is coming tomorrow before my Dr. appointment. My perms usually last about 4 months. Body waves don't last long and that was this one.
Glad you liked the blonde calling her mother and Faith the dog is wonderful - great credit to his owner to get him to that stage.
Take great care my friend, Love, Merle.