Tuesday, July 13, 2010

High School Inspiration

Part 1...

Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.

Here are some of the winners.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.


Ann said...

This is mine,

My student exclaimed," What! you are 50, my nana is not even as old as you. You can't be 50, otherwise you should be at home and be a nana, and not be a teacher."

Been wanting to come over to say hi after meeting Abe a couple of times.

Arkansas Patti said...

Got to love #4. Very visual.
However, maggots in hot grease stirred up my gag reflex.

Beth Niquette said...

Ooooh, goodness--I'm laughing SO hard over these!!! These are just horribly wonderful. (GUFFAW)

Cheryl said...

I am floored! But with laughter!!

Twisted Fencepost said...

Funny! And some of them are just gross. LOL

Clytie said...

Giggle, giggle, giggle!