Stupid Football Players
A football coach walked into the changing room before a game. He looked over to his new signing and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed arithmetic, but we need you to be in the team. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right then you will be allowed to play."
The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it correct.
Suddenly all the other players on the team began shouting..., "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
Seat in Stand?
Bernie and Eddie were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (K37) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.
One half-time Bernie went to the ticket office and asked if they could by buy the season ticket for K37. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.
Then on Boxing day, much to Bernie and Eddie's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Eddie could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'. Don't ask he said, the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.