Monday, September 13, 2010


A Mother's Dictionary, Part 1...

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets.

ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.

APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.

BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all (except Mom) to be self-cleaning

"BECAUSE": Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically.

BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.

CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.

CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest, with the biggest bunch of kids, who have had the most sugar.

CHINA: Legendary nation reportedly populated by children who love leftover vegetables.

COOK: 1) Act of preparing food for consumption. 2) Mom's other name.

COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner.

DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.

DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.

DUST: Insidious interloping particles of evil that turn a home into a battle zone.


EAR: A place where kids store dirt.

EAT: What kids do between meals, but not at them.


ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something.

"EXCUSE ME": One of Mom's favorite phrases, reportedly used in past times by children.

EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be "put out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife.

FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" See "SARCASM"

FROZEN: 1) A type of food. 2) How hell will be when Mom lets her daughter date an older guy with a motorcycle.


Reader Wil said...

Very familiar! Have a great and sunny week, Patty!

Alan Burnett said...

As always you make me laugh on a cold and grey Monday morning. Thanks

reanaclaire said...

Patty, the first one reminded me of myself...i used to impersonate as an aeroplane while feeding my babies last time..

Patty, are u serious when u commented u wanted to make some money? maybe i can recommend you something.. sidebar links.. do you have an email.. otherwise write to me at

Lady Di Tn said...

Girl you had me rolling in the aisles this morning reading those. Thanks for the laugh. Peace

budh.aaah said...

Dear Patty,
I am so proud of you girl. Way to go.

My dad just gave up in his first stage of cancer last its been one month and 4days without him. I miss him so.
take loads of care

kavita said...

Bathroom,Breakfast,Bed, true.Lol list.Awesome.

Denise said...

Can't help but smile as I read each one :) Have a great week Patty.
An English Girl Rambles

Cheryl said...

Oh my goodness...I love these! Thanks for the smile Patty.

Renie Burghardt said...

Ha! Dad's underwear did make great dust rags!

I enjoyed all of these.

Have a nice evening, Patty.

Merle said...

Dear Patty ~~ These were all so good and so familiar. I am so glad you enjoyed the History lesson and the nun and soldier joke.
I am trying to get plenty of rest to get my energy back again and the weather is warming up a little which may help. I am so glad you are feeling better after dropping the allergy pill, but I sound like you did. Just dragging myself around and no change in tablets to explain it.
Thank you for your concern and for the lovely fwds you send you are a very dear friend Patty. Take care
Love, Merle.

Margaret Cloud said...

These wer all so good, I could not choose a favorite but I could see me in some of them.