Monday, September 13, 2010

MOTHER'S


A Mother's Dictionary, Part 1...

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets.

ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.

APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.

BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all (except Mom) to be self-cleaning

"BECAUSE": Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically.

BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.

CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.

CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest, with the biggest bunch of kids, who have had the most sugar.

CHINA: Legendary nation reportedly populated by children who love leftover vegetables.

COOK: 1) Act of preparing food for consumption. 2) Mom's other name.

COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner.

DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.

DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.

DUST: Insidious interloping particles of evil that turn a home into a battle zone.

DUST RAGS: See "DAD'S UNDERWEAR."

EAR: A place where kids store dirt.

EAT: What kids do between meals, but not at them.

EMPTY NEST: See "WISHFUL THINKING."

ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something.

"EXCUSE ME": One of Mom's favorite phrases, reportedly used in past times by children.

EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be "put out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife.

FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" See "SARCASM"

FROZEN: 1) A type of food. 2) How hell will be when Mom lets her daughter date an older guy with a motorcycle.

11 comments:

Reader Wil said...

Very familiar! Have a great and sunny week, Patty!

Alan Burnett said...

As always you make me laugh on a cold and grey Monday morning. Thanks

reanaclaire said...

Patty, the first one reminded me of myself...i used to impersonate as an aeroplane while feeding my babies last time..

Patty, are u serious when u commented u wanted to make some money? maybe i can recommend you something.. sidebar links.. do you have an email.. otherwise write to me at reanact@gmail.com

Lady Di Tn said...

Girl you had me rolling in the aisles this morning reading those. Thanks for the laugh. Peace

budh.aaah said...

Dear Patty,
I am so proud of you girl. Way to go.

My dad just gave up in his first stage of cancer last month..now its been one month and 4days without him. I miss him so.
take loads of care

kavita said...

Bathroom,Breakfast,Bed,Carpet..how true.Lol list.Awesome.

Denise said...

Can't help but smile as I read each one :) Have a great week Patty.
An English Girl Rambles

Cheryl said...

Oh my goodness...I love these! Thanks for the smile Patty.

Renie Burghardt said...

Ha! Dad's underwear did make great dust rags!

I enjoyed all of these.

Have a nice evening, Patty.

Merle said...

Dear Patty ~~ These were all so good and so familiar. I am so glad you enjoyed the History lesson and the nun and soldier joke.
I am trying to get plenty of rest to get my energy back again and the weather is warming up a little which may help. I am so glad you are feeling better after dropping the allergy pill, but I sound like you did. Just dragging myself around and no change in tablets to explain it.
Thank you for your concern and for the lovely fwds you send you are a very dear friend Patty. Take care
Love, Merle.

Margaret Cloud said...

These wer all so good, I could not choose a favorite but I could see me in some of them.