Saturday, November 13, 2010

Will and Guy's

Marriage Jokes and One-liners
Researched by Alan Turnham

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. (Henny Youngman) [For those who do not know him, Henny (not Henry) Youngman was an American stand up comedian.]

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)

Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. (Bill Cosby)

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. (Milton Berle)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There's water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake." (Henny Youngman)

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. (Henny Youngman)

7 comments:

Gigi Ann said...

The old timers jokes are timeless and funny.

Lady Di Tn said...

LOL Here's one, My husband and I were happy for twenty years and then we married. Peace

Wanda said...

Those are classic. Laughed at each one, even some I'd heard before... I still laughed..

Thanks Patty for my morning chuckle.

Arkansas Patti said...

I'm old enough to remember Henny Youngman."Take my wife--please."
Also loved George Burns, he cracked me up. Thanks for the chuckle.

Clytie said...

Love them!

Anna said...

How do people come up with that stuff, lol, it is so funny!
Patty thanks for sharing, hope all is well. Anna :)

Margaret Cloud said...

These are really funny, enjoyed them all.