Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Will and Guy's Joke of the Day

** Rules of Life **

I can only please one person each day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious, wear a white coat and carry a clipboard.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
My reality check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"


Arkansas Patti said...

Fun advice. "Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without" I need to apply that principal to most of my "wants."

Lady Di Tn said...

This was a pick me up for me this morning. Thank you. Peace

Margaret Cloud said...

This is really funny and I liked every one of them, well, maybe not the toad one, ugh. Have a nice week. And one thing more, what would we do without all the knowledge you give us each day, ha, ha.