I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Now there's a man with an open mind—you can feel the breeze from here.
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions—the curtain was up.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
Look, if you don't like my parties, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, leave in a minute and a huff. If you can't find that, you can leave in a taxi.
Last night I shot an elephant in my pyjamas and how he got in my pyjamas I'll never know.
How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
I could dance with you till the cows come home, on second thought I'll dance with the cows till you come home.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. (Groucho should know, he was married three times)
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."
* More about Groucho
Groucho grew up in a Jewish neighbourhood which had Irish-Germans on one side and Italians on the other. Hence 'The Marx Brothers' developed 'ethnic' accents, based on this background, as part of their comedy.
He walked with an extremely distinctive "chicken-walk" lope and sported an exaggerated moustache, a cigar and very bushy eyebrows. Groucho perfected the "wise-crack", quick repartee, which was sometimes amusingly insulting. In his later life he was frustrated by the fact that when he insulted someone they thought it was humour and part of his act when in reality he meant the slight.
Woody Allen thought him, "..the best comedian this country ever produced." Many people would agree. He died in 1977 at the age of 86.