Another Will and Guy

Safety at the Workplace
Will and Guy's Selection of funny health and safety tales.

1) A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in Boston, Massachusetts, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

2) Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I'm constantly preaching caution to the workers I supervise. 'Does anyone know,' I asked a few guys, 'what the speed limit is in our parking lot?'

The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up. 'That depends. Do you mean coming to work or leaving?'

3) Safety Managers: persons who write a 10,000 word document and call it a brief - Franz Kafka

4) What do you get if you put 100 Safety Managers in your basement? - A whine cellar

5) Two workmen were digging foundations when one of them started shouting and jumping about . The other one thought his partner had hit an underground power cable and was being electrocuted so following good health and safety practice used a shovel to separate him from the electricity.

Luckily for the first worker he wasn't getting an electric shock but was panicking after a wasp had flown up his trousers. Luckily he didn't get stung but the second worker hit him so hard with the shovel that his shoulder was dislocated.

6) A police 'safety officer' was visiting a primary school in a particularly rough area of Manchester, England.

'Why shouldn't you touch the oven door or the kettle?' he asked the assembled class.

A young girls hand shot into the air. 'Because you might leave fingerprints,' she answered.

7) A crowd gathered around at a woodworking trade show held at Fort Purbrook, Portsmouth and were watching a sales demonstration.

The demonstrator had an ordinary saw next to another which had a saw stopping safety device. He showed how each might work when it hit an operator's finger.

For simulation purposes he used a sausage as a substitute. Intrigued, a curious spectator stepped up for a closer look and was struck in the eye by a flying piece of debris.