Friday, December 23, 2011

Merry Christmas To My Female Friends

If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do
I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you
And deliver some things just inside your front door
Things you have lost, but treasured before.

I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,
And to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.
Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
Before rinses and bleaches took residence there.

I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted
So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.

I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin
So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin.
You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells,
And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.

No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes,
No searching for spectacles when they're right on your nose.
Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny,
From a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny.

You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take.
And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid,
You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid.

I'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle,
And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
But alas! I'm not Santa. I'm simply just me,
The matronest of matrons you ever did see.

I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I've got,
But I'm due at my doctor's for an estrogen shot.
Even though we've grown older, this wish is sincere,
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year.


The 4th Sister said...

and I would thank you every day!!!

Ruth's Photo Blog said...

And a Merry Christmas tom you. I guess I'll just have to put up with my double chin and all that other stuff.LOL

claude said...


KleinsteMotte said...

Patty here's to a very Merry Christmas and fun during the holidays. With a pup and a grand daughter to keep you running I hope you get some time out but I have a feeling that's not likely.
Things are getting better here as hubby regains a bit of strength and is in less pain.
Thanks for your kindness.

Winifred said...

Now that would be the perfect present Patty.

Hope you and Abe have a lovely Christmas & a happy & healthy year in 2012.

Brenda said...

My kind of gifts. Right now I could use a new knee. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Brenda said...

My kind of gifts. Right now I could use a new knee. Merry Christmas to you and your family!