PROFOUND ONE-LINERS

It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

We have enough "youth". How about a fountain of "smart"?

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

A Fool and his money can throw one heck of a party

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES USE BIRTH CONTROL

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Don't Drink and Drive, you might hit a bump and spill something.

If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.

Alabama state motto: At least we're not Mississippi

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.

The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

"You know why a banana is like a politician?" "He comes in and first he is green, then he turns yellow and then he's rotten."

"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could
identify their corporate sponsors."

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would 'hate' to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.