Washer, the tomcat, was heard running up and down the alley for hours. Ian, his neighbour 'phoned Alan [the cat's owner] and asked what was happening. Alan replied, "Well, I had Washer neutered today, and he's going around cancelling all his engagements."
Michael really hated his wife, Patricia's cat. So he decided to get rid of it for good. Michael put it in the car and drove 2 miles away and dropped it off. Just as he pulled in the driveway, he noticed the cat sitting in the entrance on the porch.
The next day he decided he would take the cat 5 miles away and drop it off. But again, the cat found it's way home. Each day Michael kept going further and further away, but the cat would always find it's way home.
Michael was so furious that he decided to take the cat even further away, he turned right, then left, circled around, then right again, another right, backtracked a couple of times, then left again. He then dropped the cat off.
Several hours later, he 'phoned Patricia, 'Darling, is the cat there?'.
'Yes,' she answered. 'Why?'
Michael replied bitterly, 'Put that flippin' animal on the 'phone. I'm lost and need directions.'