Tuesday, June 25, 2013

A Few One Liners

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. - John Glenn

When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them...we had the Bible and they had the land! - Desmond Tutu

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real, but the moon - landing was faked. - David Letterman

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. - Betsy Salkind

The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboat- Jean Kerr

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage - Zsa Zsa Gabor

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife - Prince Philip

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. - Jean Rostand

If God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airport - Jonathan Winters

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. - Robert Benchley


Anonymous said...

The thing that impressed me the most about this had also happened to the Indians.
Desmond Tutu said when we closed our eyes to pray they had a bible and we had our land and when we opened them they had the land and we had their bible.

linda eller said...

I dont know where you find your daily 'funnies' but keep 'em coming! lol

Lady Di Tn said...

Never thought of men as linoleum. lol Peace