Monday, October 14, 2013

The Choir Top 10

A little long, but some funny stuff. Take the time, relax from a busy Monday and enjoy.

Top Ten Reasons for Being a Tenor:

10) Tenors get high -- without drugs.

9) Name a musical where the bass got the girl.

8) You can show the sopranos how it SHOULD be sung.

7) Did you ever hear of anyone paying $1,000 for a ticket to see The Three Basses?

6) Who needs brains when you've got resonance?

5) Tenors never have to waste time looking through the self-improvement section of the bookstore.

4) You can sing along with John Denver on "Aye Calypso."

3) When you get really good at falsetto, you can make tons of money doing voice-overs for cartoon characters.

2) Gregorian chant was practically invented for tenors. Nobody invented a genre for basses.

1) You can entertain your friends by impersonating Julia Child.


Top Ten Reasons for Being a Bass:

10) You don't have to tighten your shorts to reach your note.

9) You don't have to worry about a woman stealing your job.

8) Or a pre-adolescent boy.

7) Action heroes are always basses. That is -- if they ever sang, they would sing bass.

6) You get great memorable lyrics like bop, bop, bop, bop (boong ching ... boong chi-ching).

5) If the singing job doesn't work out, there's always broadcasting.

4) You never need to learn to read treble clef.

3) If you get a cold, so what.

2) For fun, you can sing at the bottom of your range and fool people into thinking there's an earthquake.

1) If you belch while you're singing, the audience just thinks it's part of the score.


Top Ten Reasons for Being a Soprano:

10) The rest of the choir exists just to make you look good.

9) You can entertain your friends by breaking their wine glasses.

8) Can you name an opera where an alto got the man?

7) When sopranos sing in the shower, they know the tune.

6) You are never going to sing the alto part by accident.

5) Great costumes -- like the hat with the horns on it.

4) How many world-famous altos can you name?

3) When the fat lady sings, she's usually singing soprano.

2) When you get tired of the tune, you can sing the descant.

1) You can sing along with Michael Jackson.


Top Ten Reasons for Being an Alto

10) You get really good at singing E flat.

9) You get to sing the same note for 12 consecutive measures (tang ... tang ... tang ...).

8) No warm up needed to sing 12 consecutive bars of E flat.

7) If the choir really stinks, it's unlikely the altos will be blamed.

6) You have lots of time to chat during soprano solos.

5) You get to pretend that you are better than the sopranos, because everybody knows that women only sing soprano so they don't have to learn to read music.

4) You can sometimes find part-time work singing tenor.

3) Altos get all the great intervals.

2) When the sopranos are holding some outrageously high note at the end of an anthem, the altos always get the last words.

1) When the altos miss a note, nobody gets hurt.


linda eller said...

LOL, good today...thanks

Wanda said...

Patty, I'm on my way to the YMCA, will come back later and read when I have time. Love you.

Reader Wil said...

Beautiful! I am a soprano, but can't reach the highest notes . So I sometimes playback. I sing in a choir of elderly people. It is on Saturday mornings and a good start of the weekend!

Arkansas Patti said...

I'm kind of an alto who is totally attracted to tall skinny bass singers.
Thank you so much for your kind words Patty.
A fox terrier was my first dog as a child and the smartest.