Things You'll Never Hear In A Western
~ "Guns? We don't need no stinking guns!"

~ "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my behind look big?"

~ "Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!"

~ "Let's see ... hardtack and pemmican ... that's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."

~ "Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."

~ "Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys' room."

~ "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge."

~ "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!"

~ "Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me ... what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"

~ "I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!"

~ "You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue."

~ "He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration."

~ " Two fisted real men don't wanna get married...unless they miss their Mommys."