Thursday, July 14, 2016


- I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now!

- I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

- I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

- I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

- Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet…

- Old age is coming at a really bad time!

- When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!

- The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it.”

- My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs working on.

- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.

- The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes.”

- I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do the second week.

- I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my spouse took it!

- Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice ...


Renie Burghardt said...

Haven't been here in a while. Still as funny as it always has been! I'm going to book mark it so I can find it easily. Have a good evening. The world is going crazy, and I am staying hidden in my woods.

Lady Di Tn said...

The people skills and duct tape ones are my favorite. Glad to see that y'all had a happy 61st. Wow, now that is what I would call a mile stone. Peace

Wanda said...

I love all of them. And truth is truth....HaHa