Friday, January 04, 2008

A Diet Prayer

Father, My soul is ripped with riot

incited by my wicked diet.

"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!

Oh, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.

I want to rise on Judgment Day, that's plain!

but at my present weight, I'll need a crane.

So grant me strength, that I may not fall

into the clutches of cholesterol.

May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,

that my soul may be poly unsaturated

And show me the light, that I may bear witness

to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.

And at oleomargarine I'll never mutter,

for the road to Hell is spread with butter.

And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;

and Satan is hiding in every waffle.

Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;

the Devil is in each slice of baloney,

Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,

and Lucifer is a lollipop.

Give me this day my daily slice

but, cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,

deliver me from jujubees.

And when my days of trial are done,

and my war with malted milk is won,

Let me stand with Heavenly throng,

In a shining robe--size small & long.

I can do it! If You'll show to me,

the virtues of lettuce and celery.

If You'll teach me the evil of mayonnaise,

of pasta a la Milannaise, potatoes a la Lyonnaise

and crisp-fried chicken from the South.

Father, if you love me, shut my mouth.


LauriesAsylum said...

Haha, pretty funny!
efx will be down for a bit as they are changing servers.

Renie Burghardt said...

Good prayer, Patty! Haha.

I probably shouldn't mention this at all....but, I am on the thin side. But then, I have to be, since I'm a diet controlled diabetic, type 2.

Hope it has warmed up in Brookville. We had a heat wave today. Got up to 44 F, and much warmer for the next couple of days. WooHoo, will be good for a hike in the woods.

Have a great weekend.


Wanda said...

Maybe this year I'll try Duck Tape!! ((over my mouth))

Very Funny Patty...:)

Anonymous said...

When I saw the bowl games on television over the holidays and looked at over 70 thousand people there, my mind immediately went to something else. Not 70 thousand people but 70 thousand people who all have to pee at the same time. Seems to me like that would cause a lot of wet floors and flood the sewer system. Where does all of that stuff go at these ball games?

I enjoyed reading your post. Like I said, I ate two pieces of candy and then thought I should go on a diet. I know you don't like the word diet, but what does Richard Simmons know anyway? There is something wrong with a man who wers shorts around everywhere.