Saturday, February 23, 2008

Good morning, snowy and icy here.


DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

WHOOPS, I JUST NOW REALIZED, I HAD POSTED THIS ONE ON FEB. 19TH. UNDER "NOW FOR A FEW CHUCKLES" You know what they say about getting older, the mind is the first thing to go. Sat. morning. 9:35am

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
family values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?

"Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?"

The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."
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"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids".
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you".

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute.."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"

"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.

"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."

He's still in intensive care.




8 comments:

Gardener Greg said...

Good ones. I needed a chuckle this morning. :) Thanks

oldmanlincoln said...

That first one was a knocks your socks off funny.

Wanda said...

They are just as funny the second time around, Patty...thanks!

Paz said...

LOL! ;-)

Paz

Jeanette said...

Hi,I just popped in from Merle's,
HaHAHA very funny jokes, Love your Crochet dolls, there Gorgeous,, I remember giving my Grandaughters a store bought cabbage patch,But must admit to knitting many Barbie doll clothes over the years for my daughters now I think there passed to the grandchildren... Ill be back to read and see more.

Merle said...

Dear Patty ~~ They are just as funny, so don't worry about it. And of course I don't mind you using any of the jokes I post. Glad you and your daughter went to the Fashion Show luncheon. I haven't heard of the Noble Circle support group, nice name. I hope your daughter hasn't had cancer as well, and was just there with you? Do you remind your girls to check their breasts?My two daughters are adopted, so won't get it from me. Sorry you were so tired after the long day and hope you had a good night after it. Take care, my friend, Love, Merle.

JohnR said...

Brilliant

JohnR said...

Brilliant