Sunday, April 20, 2008

Sounds about right

Subject: NOAH IN 2009

In the year 2009, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Canada , and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.' He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. 'Noah!' He roared , 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?'

'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then Hydro One demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the Ministry of the Environment ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, Revenue Canada seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.'

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord. 'The Government beat me to it.'


Anonymous said...

This is a neat post and teaches a lesson. Never trust government. It points out all the problems with one.

Kitty said...

Funny and so true.
It pains me to think about how the planet is doing. Mark and I try to recycle every shred of everything. There's a community garden down the street and we're planning on giving them our food waste for compost (how this is going to work in our small kitchen will be a mystery).
Believe it or not, (I hate to admit this) many office buildings in NY don't recycle. My last building didn't for instance, and there were 12 floors of offices there. It all depends on the property manager whether they separate the trash.
The employees would separate trash into different containers, but the truth is, it all went into the same garbage. It is really a shame.

Keep up the lovely work!

Anonymous said...

LOL! Times sure have changed. ;-)


reader Wil said...

The government is absolutely very difficult to work with. There is always too much talk and no action at all, only in matters of war.

Renie Burghardt said...

Patty, your Abe is a man of a few but true words! :-)

Have a good night.