Friday, May 23, 2008

Keeping you up-to-date on what goes on during the late night shows.

The Best of Late Night...


"Here's the thing that troubles me. I mean, win, lose or draw, at the end of the day, the bottom line, cut to the chase, it's a lot of money. It's a lot of money to elect a president, don't you think? Really it's an awful lot of money. Hillary Clinton's campaign right now, this very minute, is $20 million in debt. Now, when she gets that 3 a.m. call, it's from a collection agency." -David Letterman

"Hillary Clinton, big blowout in West Virginia's primary tonight. Yeah, she's the big winner in West Virginia. Which means that one day, she could be president of West Virginia." -Jay Leno

"Anybody go down to the Crawford ranch for the big Jenna Bush wedding over the weekend? ... It was a lovely affair and God bless the kids. It's so nice so, sweet, romantic. But do you know there is a rice shortage? Are you aware of the fact you can't get rice in this country? So, when the wedding was over, they threw caramelized onions. That was so sweet, because at the reception, President Bush danced with his lovely daughter. It's the first time he has led in eight years." -David Letterman

"I don't know if Barack Obama's getting tired or what, but in a recent speech, Barack Obama made a mistake. He said he had visited all 57 states. Yeah, that's what he said. Yeah, after hearing this, President Bush said, 'Haha, he forgot Alaska and Hawaii!'" -Conan O'Brien

"Hillary says she's staying in the race because there are new patterns emerging, such as lower educated white men are now supporting her. That's what she said. Polls show she has strong support among lesser-educated white males. So you know what that means: President Bush could be voting for her now." -Jay Leno

"How about this economy, ladies and gentlemen? Doesn't it stink? And we're really starting to notice it, because in the beginning it was sort of like, okay, a little bit here. But we are really starting to notice the effects of a sour economy in this country. Over at St. Patrick's Cathedral, they're watering down the holy water. Honest to God. That's right. It's only 60% holy now."-David Letterman

"Well, John McCain said in his speech today, if he is elected president, he will fight evil. Until then, he will just continue to fight incontinence." -Jay Leno

"This week, New York City Congressman Vito Fossella was arrested for drunk driving, then caught having an extramarital affair, then exposed for having a secret child with his mistress. Or, as it's known in Washington, the trifecta." -Seth Meyers

3 comments:

Gramma Ann said...

Lately I have been falling asleep before the late night shows come on. So enjoyed the read;))

Abraham Lincoln said...

I am glad I don't watch the late night shows. The jokes are pathetic. I wonder who they are buying from? Sounds to me like the Republican National Committee.

LOL

And that ain't funny.

Renie Burghardt said...

The best one was the Vito Fossella trifecta! I am usually asleep before the late night shows. Can't say I am missing much though.

Have a nice evening and a good night!

Renie