Friday, July 18, 2008

Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

"ESTROGEN ISSUES"

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Send this to bright, funny women and make their day .
WE ALL NEED A SMILE!

9 comments:

Lorraine said...

Oh these are so deliciously funny Patty, I laughed so hard I woke my 3 cats up, and ah! I finally understand I'm not Alone lol

Annake said...

Uh oh, looks like I have estrogen issues. Surprise! ;-)

photowannabe said...

Thanks for the smiles this morning. I loved them and know exactly who needs a laugh from them.
I'm on my way to get a haircut and permanent. I can never figure out why they call them permanents since I have to have one every 4 months or so. Nothing permanent about that...

Wanda said...

Patty, were you reading my journals!!! Those are so funny, and so so so true.

Don loved the dessert ~~ thanks for the idea.

Tomate Farcie said...

As usual, something made me laugh out loud! It just feels so good to laugh like this, thanks again! :)

Renie Burghardt said...

These are all a hoot, Patty. Even I have estrogen issues! LOL.

Good night.

Renie

Nancy said...

I thought my estrogen problems were over until I read this! LOL You come up with some good ones!!! We all need these laughs, too!

(((HUGS)))

Old Wom Tigley said...

No.6.. LOL

alicesg said...

Hahaha....this is so funny. I would looked at your older posts. Geez... I am a late visitor to your blog.