Saturday, July 11, 2009

Cheat sheet

A Cleaning Cheat Sheet for Men...

* Broom (brum) - a long handled brush used for sweeping (also doubles as a mode of transportation for your mother)

* Vacuum (vak' u em) - much like the leaf blower except it sucks in, instead of blowing out. Don't let this alarm you. It isn't broken and doesn't need more torque, speed, RAM or whatever it is you did to the dishwasher.

* Dust pan (DUH) - Contrary to popular belief, this is where you sweep the dirt, not under the hallway area rug.

* Dust Cloth (dust kloth) - A cloth designated for removing tiny particles of dirt from every flat surface of the house. Hint: look for your old "lucky shirt".

* Bucket (buk' it)- Cylindric container used for holding soapy water when mopping the floor. Also known as your mid-evil knight helmet when you're playing with our seven-year-old.

* Mop - (mop) a bundle of coarse yarn, rags or cloth fastened at the end of a stick. You'll remember this as your dance partner at the New Year's Eve party last year.

* Toilet Brush (toi' lit brush) - Used for scrubbing the inside of the toilet bowl. I don't care what this looks like, you may NOT use my shower luffa again!

* Oven Cleaner (uv' en Klen' er) - No, not the teenager. This is an actually product that you buy, spray in the oven and wipe out two hours later. You won't need your welder's mask for this task, but if it makes you feel more dangerous, go ahead.

* Sponge (spunj) - used to gently wash away food particles from dinnerware. It won't be necessary to use your 300psi Power wash set. That was given to you in hopes of cleaning the EXTERIOR of the house (hint hint).

* Squeegee (skwe' je) - Same principle as washing the car windshield, and yes, real men DO squeegee!

Final Note:
While Duct tape may be a wonderful plumbers aid, it's really not the best solution for keeping the bathroom towels in place, and Jamie's teacher is still asking why his homework was stuck to his forehead last week. For these reasons, I have hidden the duct tape and distributed your picture to the local hardware stores. Don't make me call Duct Tape Anonymous again.

Take your time, everything will be fine. If you need me, I'll be in the basement cleaning up the smoke damage from your "do it yourself" electrical rewiring incident last week.
Start Getting Hea


Granny on the Web said...

I think it would help further to explain it to 'them' if there were diagrams as well!

Love Granny

Brenda said...

hahahahha....those were funny. I think I could come up with a few myself, but I had better be nice today.

The 4th Sister said...

you brighten my day....

Tom said...

I have to protest most strongly Patty.... ha! I'll have you know that I do must of the cooking and cleaning.... I have to or Jane beats me with the broom that she rides upon.. ..

Today my blogs show Road Names and Grandchildren Play
Have a great weekend

Margaret Cloud said...

Very nice post. I finally got caught up on reading them all. Hope you two have a nice weekend.

Anonymous said...

I just read Tom's comment. He has got it made. And look how Jane entertains him.

Jack and Joann said...

Jack is mopping my kitchen floor right now. He already has stuck supper in the oven: pork and beans and hotdogs. And get this---he read your comments on our blog and ran and popped some popcorn. He said that he wanted what the Lincolns were having. LOL!

P.S. I still can't get on Melissa's MY LIFE blog. Did she remove the blog? Hope not. And hope she and Audrey are having a great weekend.

Renie Burghardt said...

Haha, these are funny, and Patty, Abe wants to be entertaind, get your broom out! Haha.

Have a great evening.