Saturday, August 08, 2009

Another from my friend Judy

GIFTS FOR MEN

Here are some gift ideas for those special men in your life!

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. Bye-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one
knows why.

Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big- screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't
know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")

Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12: Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." everyone knows why.

Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.

Hope this list comes in handy for the next time you have to buy a gift for a man.


11 comments:

Ocean Girl said...

Hello Patty, I'm glad I came across your site. Enjoying it.

The tips from your friend Judy is really handy. It came too late for me but I'll help spread it around.

Lisa

Abraham Lincoln said...

I could use a good cordless drill that has a better battery than the one I got. I could also use a puppy dog. Or, I could use a collection of books by some romantic author. The kind a person who knows why some motors* shut down and others keep going.

*I can't think of the proper word for "Sex Over Drive!"

Granny on the Web said...

So that's where I have been going wrong! Now I have a handy reference for gift buying, for the future.

Love Granny

Gramma Ann said...

Hi Patty, Tony and I had a good laugh at your post today. He said he only has 4 cordless drills, and a lot more robe than you mentioned. He has a new BBQ waiting in the garage for when the one he is using blows up....he has extension ladders from 60 foot down to 16 foot...and he has more paint brushes than Wal-Mart.

dyanna said...

Great advices. On my husbands birtday I walked through stores for half a day trying to figure out what to buy. I managed to find someting, but hardly.

Margaret Cloud said...

Patty, this is such a great list, you did not leave anything out. Very funny and also interesting. Hope you are having a nice weekend, we finally got rain, lots of it and I found out my laundry room roof leaks, was up at 6 am putting buckets down. Take care friend and be safe.

Denise said...

I like #9. Gregg is the first person to admit he is not a handy guy and we have had many parts left after putting things together over the years. All adds to life's rich experience and a lot of laughs. We bought a cordless drill a while back which was never even taken out of the box. He gave it away to our son who is now putting his own pieces together. Great list. I'm going back to read the rest. Thanks Patty!

Renie Burghardt said...

Pretty thorough list here on what to or not to buy a man for a gift. And hey, I think Abe might be giving a hint here on what gift he wants. Hahaha.

Have a good night.

Renie

Tomate Farcie said...

Roger that on the bathrobe. I made that mistake once, already, spent way too much money on it and it mostly sat on a hook behind the bathroom door. Probably should have returned it and bought a cordless drill instead! ;)

Merle said...

Dear Patty ~~ Great list of gifts for men, will keep it in mind for my sons, 55 and 52.
Thanks for your words about my post
and I am glad you enjoyed it.
I am lucky to have been given a nice new helper. Mind you, they have all been very nice. I get along with most people well. Of course you know to pass on the garden quotes.
Take care, my friend. Love, Merle.

Mary said...

Thanks, the tips are handy, I bought a bathrobe for my husband and he loved it, he is using it everyday.