Monday, October 19, 2009

All in fun

UPS Airlines


Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
Descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget


8 comments:

Granny on the Web said...

Hard to believe these are actual facts, I suppose they get bored with the humdrum of servicing the aircraft, so no harm in causing a smile.
Great Patty.

Love Granny

Arkansas Patti said...

Those are just too funny. Good for a chuckle with my coffee. Thanks.

Winifred said...

They are really funny.

Hard to believe those pilots have a degree in anything. Makes you wonder what the level of English is in universities.

kavita said...

Hilarious....my fav was auto pilot one.Thanks for the good laugh.

nituscorner said...

that was interesting .....

Charles said...

Very funny comments. And they have told me an airplane stretches 4" while flying...No wonder bolts come loose. I haven't been up in 35 yrs; I can drive & pull off road whenever needed.

Renie Burghardt said...

Oi Veh! Funny but scary! I haven't flown in a few years now, and I'm kinda glad.

Dancing is good tonight.

Enjoy your evening.

Renie

Twisted Fencepost said...

Perfect answers. Sounds like a great bunch of people to work with. They will keep you laughing. And laughter is GOOD!