Friday, October 15, 2010

How many sound so true to you?

A Woman's Dictionary...

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

9 comments:

Arkansas Patti said...

They all sound true to me. Grocery list is entirely too true. When I am really happy is when I remember to get everything on the list that is still sitting on the kitchen counter.

Shionge said...

Hahaha.....he always cook bbq food that's true and yes...Valentine Day's...what's that LOL

Wanda said...

Oh those are all cute.. and sound true to me.

mommanator said...

how true every one of them

Beth Niquette said...

All of 'em except the airhead one. Years ago I made a pact with myself that I would never try to manipulate myself out of a ticket either with tears or stupidity. I've stuck to that.

I LOVE this post!! Especially the one about doing all the work of preparing dinner and he says he "made" it. (guffaw)

Lady Di Tn said...

Cute stuff. I lol at the Airhead one. I become one when Man is talking about repairing my car. Makes them feel like they have knowledge. hehee Hope your allergies are better. TN is known to be a very Allergy friendly state. I hear Prince snezing as I write. Peace

kavita said...

So true..but i like the 'argument' the best .Have a great weekend Patty !

Merle said...

Hi again Patty ~~ Good dictionary
there - thanks. Glad you enjoyed the speeding ticket story and the heaven and hell politicians - too true!!
I hope your allergies clear up. I hadn't heard of a heavy frost helping
them, but I hope they do.
Take care dear friend, Love, Merle.

Margaret Cloud said...

These are so true and I am guilty of some.