Thursday, December 02, 2010

Another Will and Guy

* School Boy Howlers

Will and Guy are both qualified schoolteachers. We would never belittle nor embarrass students intentionally, however, we are unable to let these errors go without a laugh or two. This is a compilation of UK students' work, mostly at year 10 level.

* History Jokes
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but another man of that name.

Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire's in the East and the sun sets in the West.

The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot.

Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history.
The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic.

* English Jokes
In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet.
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ids of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: 'Tee hee, Brutus'


Arkansas Patti said...

Chuckled all the way through but lost it on "A myth is a female moth"
Being a teacher has to be a hoot.

reanaclaire said...

Being a teacher no doubt has stress but i m sure there are some memorable happenings that one will never forget.. :)

Anonymous said...

I wonder if that last one has a mistake in the spelling? not sure. Maybe it is part of the joke.

Country Mouse Studio said...

so funny, I want to see that 100 ft clipper. :O)

ChrisJ said...

A myth is a female moth! Priceless!!!

Margaret Cloud said...

Now I have read some pretty good stuff lately but this is really good. I wonder what these kids were on.