We thought long and hard before creating this bumper selection of Religious Jokes. Three things swayed us towards publishing, firstly, these are clean religious jokes, secondly why should the devil have all the best joke? Thirdly, what tipped the balances was when a practicing clergyman sent in jokes that he had given his blessing.
* Church News *
We collect our stories from Pews News and other church publications. Here is a snippet from the the Roman Catholic Holy Spirit Church in Marple, Stockport in the diocese of Shrewsbury.
New Carpet: There will be a discussion in May as to how we might raise funds for the new carpet. All who wish to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so now.
Baptisms: From now on, the North and South ends of the church will be utilised. Children will be baptised at both ends.
Church Service with a Difference
Seen on the notice board of a church:
Try heeling our services. (Try our healing services?)
You won't get better.
Charity Begins at Church
After the church service, seven year old Brian said to the preacher: "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the preacher replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says that you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."
* Funny Church Announcements *
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of Roderick James Hillman, the sin of Revd. and Mrs. Hillman.
For those of you who have children - and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
* Vicar Rides Again *
The Reverend Douglas Johnston was not the best of drivers. One Sunday he was driving home from church when unfortunately, he had a minor bump with a cyclist. The poor man was knocked off his bike into the ditch. The Vicar naturally stopped his car, got out and profusely apologised and gave the cyclist his calling card saying that if he could ever be of help, then the man should not hesitate to ask.
As the man rode home he looked at the card which said, 'The Reverend Douglas Johnston is sorry he missed you today.'