Another from Will and Guy

Gender Differences
1) Nicknames:
If Claire, Louise and Hannah go out for lunch, they will call each other Claire, Louise and Hannah.

If Russell, John and Trevor go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Jackson, Parrot-face and TC [Top Cat – from the 1970’s television cartoon series].

2) Eating out:
When the bill arrives, Russell, John and Trevor will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3) Bathrooms:
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Tesco.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. [A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.]

4) Arguments:
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

5) Cats:
Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

6) Future:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

7) Success:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

8) Marriage:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

9) Dressing Up:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the ‘phone, read a book, and get the post.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

10) Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dental appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.