Saturday, May 19, 2012

From Will and Guy

Groucho Marx Humor


I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Now there's a man with an open mind—you can feel the breeze from here.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions—the curtain was up.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Look, if you don't like my parties, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, leave in a minute and a huff. If you can't find that, you can leave in a taxi.

Last night I shot an elephant in my pyjamas and how he got in my pyjamas I'll never know.

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

I could dance with you till the cows come home, on second thought I'll dance with the cows till you come home.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. (Groucho should know, he was married three times)

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."

3 comments:

Gigi Ann said...

Groucho was one of a kind. ; )

Shionge said...

So funny...makes me laugh :)

Beth Niquette said...

Heehee...thanks for the smiles. ((hugs))