LIFE'S SIGNS
Sign on a Shoe Repair store read:
"We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you."

Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.";

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels.";

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
You've come to the right place.";

On a Plumber's truck :
"We repair what your husband fixed.";

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.";

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout.";

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts.";

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.";

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push.";

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.";

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.";

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!";

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.";

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait.";

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank Heaven for little grills.";

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak.";

And the best one for last...;
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"