What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS?
A crazy woman who will find you!
A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except to grow in rows.
Why shouldn't you throw plastic bags into the swamps in Louisiana ?
Because the bags are not bayou degradable.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss (or your wife) will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
"It's time for the second funeral," Tom rehearsed.
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
Why should I learn algebra? I have no intention of ever going there.
Keep trying. Look at the man who put a hole in a Life Saver and made a mint!
Parking lot: A place where arguments start from scratch.
My brother has an allergy to certain wheat products, but he still tries to eat
them whenever he can. I think he's just a gluten for punishment.
Sent to me from my friend. Beth