Tuesday, June 08, 2010

New Words - Old Words - Part II

New Words, Old Words - Part Two...

Here are a list of new words that we could probably use in this new world...today we have old words with new meanings!

1. Coffee: (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted: (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate: (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade: (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-Nilly: (adj.) impotent.

6. Negligent: (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph: (v.) to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle: (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence: (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash: (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle: (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude: (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon: (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster: (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism: (n.) the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent: (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.


Reader Wil said...

Hi Patty! You have got again a priceless collection of quotes! Nice to read and good for laugh, which I needed. The weather is greyish and rainy. We need the sun. Have a great day!

Beth Niquette said...

Oh, hahahahaaaaa....these are just GREAT! Started my day out with a laugh.

mommanator said...

O they are cute

Renie Burghardt said...

Oy Veh, these are funny! Hahaha.

Have a good night, Patty.


nituscorner said...

now that sure made my day in bed. too good patty.

Arkansas Patti said...

Wouldn't you love to spend the day with Will Rogers. That was one funny man.
#11 cracked me up but all were clever.

Clytie said...

Yes, priceless! Thanks for the morning smile!

Margaret Cloud said...

These are very good and yes funny. My new flowers got a good drink of rain water this morning.