Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Thoughts from Steven Wright

Part 2...

16. I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

17. I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

18. I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

19. I was at this restaurant. the sign said "breakfast anytime." so I ordered french toast in the Renaissance.

20. I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

21. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

22. I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

23. I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

24. I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

25. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

26. I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

27. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

28. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

29. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

30. If you had a million shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

31. If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

32. If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

33. Last week the candle factory burned down. everyone just stood around and sang happy birthday.

34. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

35. Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.

36. What's another word for thesaurus?

37. When i die, i'm leaving my body to science fiction.

38. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?


Arkansas Patti said...

Think Steven Wright is my new hero. Love the way his mind thinks.

Wanda said...

What a clever imagination. He must be retired, and have time to "think"

Cheryl said...

Good laugh again!

Renie Burghardt said...

Writing a book and having the page numbers down sounds like me! LOL. Very clever stuff.

We had 97 today. With the heat index at a 105. I hope it cools off by Saturday when my older son and granddaughter arrive for 5 days. Have a nice evening and keep cool.


Clytie said...

Okay this time I have tears in my eyes. Using a silencer to shoot a mime! Ha ha ha!!!

Beth Niquette said...

I think I've recovered from laughing over today's

These are wonderful, Patty.

Twisted Fencepost said...

That guy really has too much time on his hands. LOL