Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Thoughts from Steven Wright

Part 2...


16. I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

17. I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

18. I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

19. I was at this restaurant. the sign said "breakfast anytime." so I ordered french toast in the Renaissance.

20. I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

21. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

22. I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

23. I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

24. I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

25. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

26. I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

27. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

28. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

29. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

30. If you had a million shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

31. If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

32. If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

33. Last week the candle factory burned down. everyone just stood around and sang happy birthday.

34. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

35. Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.

36. What's another word for thesaurus?

37. When i die, i'm leaving my body to science fiction.

38. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

7 comments:

Arkansas Patti said...

Think Steven Wright is my new hero. Love the way his mind thinks.

Wanda said...

What a clever imagination. He must be retired, and have time to "think"

Cheryl said...

Good laugh again!

Renie Burghardt said...

Writing a book and having the page numbers down sounds like me! LOL. Very clever stuff.

We had 97 today. With the heat index at a 105. I hope it cools off by Saturday when my older son and granddaughter arrive for 5 days. Have a nice evening and keep cool.

Renie`

Clytie said...

Okay this time I have tears in my eyes. Using a silencer to shoot a mime! Ha ha ha!!!

Beth Niquette said...

I think I've recovered from laughing over today's entry...lol

These are wonderful, Patty.

Twisted Fencepost said...

That guy really has too much time on his hands. LOL