Friday, November 18, 2011

When Insults Had Class

Oldies but goodies

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
________________________________
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
________________________________
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
________________________________
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
________________________________
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
________________________________
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."- Clarence Darrow
________________________________
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
________________________________
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
________________________________
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
________________________________
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde
________________________________
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
________________________________
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
________________________________
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
________________________________
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
________________________________
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
________________________________
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
________________________________
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
________________________________
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
________________________________
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
________________________________

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others,whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
________________________________
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
________________________________
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
________________________________
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
________________________________
Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities. - Aldous Huxley
________________________________
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
Winston you are drunk.
Madam you are ugly but I shall be sober in the morning.


6 comments:

reanaclaire said...

Hello Patty... those are classy insults! hahaha...

Rosy said...

These are all good! ha ha ha

Wanda said...

This kind of insults are classic. And no 4 letter words used....

Thanks Patty...that was a fun read.

claude said...

Hello Patty
The French translation does not allow me to appreciate the subtlety of all citations. Some seem funny and others very insulting.
I do not pray Patty, but I have a thought for your nephew Dan.

Country Mouse Studio said...

these are great

Beth Niquette said...

Hahahaa--these are fantastic! I had not heard of most before. Thank you for passing along this collection.