Friday, November 18, 2011

When Insults Had Class

Oldies but goodies

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
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The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
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A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
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"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
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"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
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"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."- Clarence Darrow
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"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
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"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
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"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
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"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde
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"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
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"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
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"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
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"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
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"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
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"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
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"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
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"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
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"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
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"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others,whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
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"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
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"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
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"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
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Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities. - Aldous Huxley
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The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
Winston you are drunk.
Madam you are ugly but I shall be sober in the morning.


6 comments:

Reanaclaire said...

Hello Patty... those are classy insults! hahaha...

Unknown said...

These are all good! ha ha ha

Wanda said...

This kind of insults are classic. And no 4 letter words used....

Thanks Patty...that was a fun read.

claude said...

Hello Patty
The French translation does not allow me to appreciate the subtlety of all citations. Some seem funny and others very insulting.
I do not pray Patty, but I have a thought for your nephew Dan.

Carole Barkett said...

these are great

Beth Niquette said...

Hahahaa--these are fantastic! I had not heard of most before. Thank you for passing along this collection.