The Good, Clean Funnies List
Air Traffic Control

A controller working a busy pattern told the 727 downwind to make a 360. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?"

Without missing a beat, the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars' worth."

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PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said, "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first." The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.

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A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing rollout after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 Heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport."

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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7. Did you copy the report from Eastern?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff ... and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.