CEO- Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO- Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily &
recycle. It's called the 401-Keg.
7 comments:
Very true...and very funny...
Oh, ouch! Those are so true they hurt!! But still very funny :)
Hilarious, and so true!!!
"PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use." Sadly, so true!!
That one's a keeper!! :-)
You made me smile, these are very good not to mention funny.
I wish that I would have saved my beer cans; I would be rich today. . . . . .
My mom is interested in trading. She do it. I am busy with my exams.
Cheers.
Even aluminum cans have plummeted. A few months ago you got a dollar a pound, now they're down to a quarter a pound. At least that's what someone told me recently. I think I'll quit drinking diet coke! Hahaha.
Have a good night, Patty.
PS. Went to the Chinese Buffet today. We go every Wednesday.
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